Navigating Grief with the Healing Journey of Rescue Dogs
In today’s episode, we're joined by Anne Abel, author of newly released book, Mattie, Milo, and Me. Anne shares the touching stories of how her rescue dogs, Mattie and Milo, helped her navigate grief and depression. We discuss the complexities of adopting pets with undisclosed behavioral issues, highlighting the compassion and commitment required. Additionally, we tackle the debate: does someone with grief need time to recover before getting another dog, or does a new furry companion aid in healing? Join us for a heartfelt exploration of resilience, love, and the transformative power of canine companionship.
Listen to Episode #60 Now:
BIO:
Anne Abel is the author of "Mattie, Milo, and Me" (She Writes Press, April 23, 2024). Her story about unwittingly rescuing an aggressive dog, Milo, won a Moth StorySLAM in New York City. She has won two additional Moth StorySLAMs in Chicago. Her credentials include an MFA from The New School for Social Research, an MBA from the University of Chicago, and a BS in chemical engineering from Tufts University. She has freelanced for Lilith; Philadelphia Daily News; The Jewish Exponent; Philadelphia Weekly, Main Line Life and Main Line Today, and formerly wrote a weekly column, “The Homefront,” for Main Line Welcomat. She also taught English and creative writing at the Community College of Philadelphia. Anne lives in New York City with her husband, Andy, and their three rescue dogs, Ryan, Megan, and Chase. She grew up outside Boston, MA.
Transcript:
00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:03.460
Announcer: This is Pet Life Radio.
00:00:03.900 --> 00:00:05.020
Announcer: Let's talk pets.
00:00:21.987 --> 00:00:24.507
Beverly Isla: Welcome to Save A Pooch on Pet Life Radio.
00:00:24.527 --> 00:00:26.187
Beverly Isla: Thank you for listening in today.
00:00:26.207 --> 00:00:28.567
Beverly Isla: I am Beverly Isla, your host.
00:00:28.987 --> 00:00:35.447
Beverly Isla: In this episode, we welcome Anne Abel, the author behind the new book, Mattie, Milo, and Me.
00:00:35.927 --> 00:00:46.367
Beverly Isla: So Anne's journey with her rescue dogs not only inspires, but also shows the impact of canine companionship on the human spirit during dark times.
00:00:46.687 --> 00:00:51.367
Beverly Isla: So when we get back from these messages, we will hear from author Anne Abel.
00:00:53.227 --> 00:00:55.127
Announcer: Take a bite out of your competition.
00:00:55.747 --> 00:01:00.167
Announcer: Advertise your business with an ad in PetLife Radio podcasts and radio shows.
00:01:00.507 --> 00:01:07.427
Announcer: There is no other pet related media that is as large and reaches more pet parents and pet lovers than PetLife Radio.
00:01:07.687 --> 00:01:14.407
Announcer: With over 7 million monthly listeners, PetLife Radio podcasts are available on all major podcast platforms.
00:01:14.747 --> 00:01:23.887
Announcer: And our live radio stream goes out to over 250 million subscribers on iHeartRadio, Audacy, TuneIn, and other streaming apps.
00:01:24.027 --> 00:01:33.107
Announcer: For more information on how you can advertise on the number one pet podcast and radio network, visit petliferadio.com/advertise today.
00:01:35.207 --> 00:01:38.327
Announcer: Let's Talk Pets on petliferadio.com.
00:01:47.098 --> 00:01:48.418
Beverly Isla: Welcome back to Save A Pooch.
00:01:48.658 --> 00:01:55.218
Beverly Isla: We are talking with Anne Abel, the author behind the new release book, Mattie, Milo, and Me.
00:01:55.478 --> 00:02:00.078
Beverly Isla: I really appreciate you taking time today, and congratulations on its completion.
00:02:00.478 --> 00:02:01.178
Anne Abel: Well, thank you.
00:02:01.438 --> 00:02:02.418
Anne Abel: Thank you and thank you.
00:02:03.758 --> 00:02:08.678
Beverly Isla: So let's start off with the meeting behind the memoir that you've captured in this book.
00:02:08.698 --> 00:02:10.298
Beverly Isla: I know it's a lot.
00:02:11.478 --> 00:02:14.498
Beverly Isla: So yeah, can you share with us the emotional journey?
00:02:15.158 --> 00:02:23.258
Anne Abel: My middle son was born saying the word dog, and his first complete sentence was, I want a dog, and I did not want a dog.
00:02:23.258 --> 00:02:24.578
Anne Abel: I wanted to be a good mother.
00:02:25.098 --> 00:02:26.858
Anne Abel: I had no interest in dogs.
00:02:26.878 --> 00:02:27.658
Anne Abel: They were work.
00:02:27.658 --> 00:02:29.678
Anne Abel: They had to walk them.
00:02:30.218 --> 00:02:31.158
Anne Abel: They wrecked your house.
00:02:31.178 --> 00:02:34.638
Anne Abel: It was just when I went to people's houses, they got their wet noses on me.
00:02:34.738 --> 00:02:35.978
Anne Abel: I did not want a dog.
00:02:36.338 --> 00:02:41.978
Anne Abel: So for 10 years, I appeased him with every kind of caged and tank animal there is.
00:02:42.318 --> 00:02:49.578
Anne Abel: And on his 10th birthday, right before his 10th birthday, I saw a headline that said, African hedgehog, the perfect pet.
00:02:49.918 --> 00:02:52.138
Anne Abel: So I said, well, how would you like that for your birthday?
00:02:52.418 --> 00:02:54.718
Anne Abel: He really wanted a dog, but he said, okay.
00:02:55.298 --> 00:02:57.378
Anne Abel: So I called the pet store to get directions.
00:02:57.398 --> 00:02:58.378
Anne Abel: This was way back.
00:02:58.658 --> 00:03:04.558
Anne Abel: And the man who answered, so will you know, they're really porcupines and you have to handle them with gloves.
00:03:04.838 --> 00:03:06.238
Anne Abel: And my heart just sank.
00:03:06.318 --> 00:03:09.618
Anne Abel: We had enough of these animals.
00:03:10.158 --> 00:03:11.418
Anne Abel: It was time for the dog.
00:03:12.018 --> 00:03:13.118
Anne Abel: And I'm not a shopper.
00:03:13.218 --> 00:03:15.558
Anne Abel: I looked at three houses before I bought my house.
00:03:16.158 --> 00:03:17.358
Anne Abel: I need an appliance.
00:03:17.498 --> 00:03:19.278
Anne Abel: I just go, I get one that's good enough.
00:03:19.598 --> 00:03:22.038
Anne Abel: But good enough was not going to cut it with the dog.
00:03:22.558 --> 00:03:27.078
Anne Abel: So I got a book, 450 page book with every kind of rescue.
00:03:27.098 --> 00:03:29.718
Anne Abel: I was asking people about their dogs.
00:03:29.738 --> 00:03:34.878
Anne Abel: And one day my older son came home from a teammate's house, excited about a wheat and terrier.
00:03:35.418 --> 00:03:36.478
Anne Abel: I looked it up in the book.
00:03:36.638 --> 00:03:38.958
Anne Abel: They did everything but empty the dishwasher.
00:03:39.018 --> 00:03:40.258
Anne Abel: This was my dog.
00:03:40.838 --> 00:03:41.778
Anne Abel: I called the breeder.
00:03:42.038 --> 00:03:44.438
Anne Abel: She said, okay, we'll put you on the list for May.
00:03:44.558 --> 00:03:45.618
Anne Abel: It was January.
00:03:46.138 --> 00:03:50.158
Anne Abel: I hung up the phone thinking sometimes it's just so easy to be a good mother.
00:03:50.618 --> 00:03:52.198
Anne Abel: May was a lifetime away.
00:03:52.378 --> 00:03:53.438
Anne Abel: Anything could happen.
00:03:53.738 --> 00:03:59.498
Anne Abel: Three days later, she called me up and she said, we have this 10 month old dog named Mattie.
00:03:59.518 --> 00:04:02.398
Anne Abel: We were going to use her as a show dog, but her neck's too short.
00:04:02.698 --> 00:04:05.618
Anne Abel: If you come out this weekend, we'll meet the boys.
00:04:05.638 --> 00:04:06.598
Anne Abel: You can meet Mattie.
00:04:06.618 --> 00:04:08.738
Anne Abel: You can take her home if everything works out.
00:04:09.338 --> 00:04:10.938
Anne Abel: Again, my heart just sank.
00:04:11.358 --> 00:04:13.098
Anne Abel: But what was I going to do?
00:04:13.578 --> 00:04:17.398
Anne Abel: So Sunday there, my three boys and my husband piled into the car.
00:04:17.558 --> 00:04:21.418
Anne Abel: I walked in my house thinking it is never going to look like this again.
00:04:21.438 --> 00:04:22.958
Anne Abel: And I got in the car.
00:04:23.198 --> 00:04:29.378
Anne Abel: I suffered with depression and I was, if they were talking, I just didn't hear them on the hour ride to the breeder.
00:04:29.898 --> 00:04:33.018
Anne Abel: We get to the breeder, they meet the kids, they like them.
00:04:33.038 --> 00:04:35.858
Anne Abel: They say, go in the kitchen and we'll send Mattie up.
00:04:36.398 --> 00:04:43.138
Anne Abel: So I'm standing there with my family, pretty comatose, just, you know, this is like I've been dreading this for 10 years.
00:04:43.558 --> 00:04:46.998
Anne Abel: And this white ball of fluff comes bounding into the kitchen.
00:04:46.998 --> 00:04:53.378
Anne Abel: She circles us and then she kind of lands on me and I sit down, I hug her and I am in love.
00:04:53.958 --> 00:04:56.178
Anne Abel: This was like, she was perfect.
00:04:56.378 --> 00:04:57.978
Anne Abel: She was no work.
00:04:58.118 --> 00:05:00.558
Anne Abel: All she wanted to do was give love and take love.
00:05:00.658 --> 00:05:01.738
Anne Abel: She taught us a game.
00:05:01.758 --> 00:05:04.278
Anne Abel: I don't know how she taught it called Family Hug.
00:05:04.298 --> 00:05:09.338
Anne Abel: And if two of us were together, she'd start running around and we'd go, Family Hug, Family Hug.
00:05:09.558 --> 00:05:13.638
Anne Abel: And she got it was like duck, duck, goose, only there were no losers.
00:05:13.658 --> 00:05:15.898
Anne Abel: And she, you know, she was wonderful.
00:05:16.218 --> 00:05:23.518
Anne Abel: Seven years later, one day, when December, I came home, I let her out, I still had my jacket on and the doorbell rings.
00:05:23.878 --> 00:05:24.518
Anne Abel: I open it.
00:05:24.938 --> 00:05:26.158
Anne Abel: It's a UPS man.
00:05:26.378 --> 00:05:27.418
Anne Abel: Ma'am, I'm sorry.
00:05:27.438 --> 00:05:29.338
Anne Abel: I just hit your dog and killed him.
00:05:30.318 --> 00:05:33.178
Anne Abel: Oh, my God, I just collapsed to the floor.
00:05:33.198 --> 00:05:36.578
Anne Abel: I mean, I was just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.
00:05:36.858 --> 00:05:40.638
Anne Abel: And the first, when I could finally stand up, I called Mattie's breeder.
00:05:40.958 --> 00:05:44.918
Anne Abel: I knew that getting another dog wasn't going to make me miss Mattie less.
00:05:45.098 --> 00:05:53.258
Anne Abel: But with my depression, I was just terrified that without a distraction from the void left by Mattie, I would be pushed into the abyss.
00:05:53.538 --> 00:05:55.098
Anne Abel: So he wasn't breeding anymore.
00:05:55.158 --> 00:06:00.558
Anne Abel: I went out from one dog, I mean, I was in shock, basically, but I went from one year to the next.
00:06:00.578 --> 00:06:01.718
Anne Abel: It was before Christmas.
00:06:01.738 --> 00:06:05.778
Anne Abel: A lot of them yelled at me for wanting to get a dog and I'd be returning it after Christmas.
00:06:06.038 --> 00:06:15.798
Anne Abel: And I called and left a voicemail on an acquaintance, not someone I didn't know very well, but she had five dogs, a few pedigree and a few rescues, a couple of rescues.
00:06:16.178 --> 00:06:25.518
Anne Abel: And the next morning she called me like at 830 and she said, well, you know, the breeder for my Bijans, it's going to be months, I don't think you want to wait that long.
00:06:25.778 --> 00:06:26.998
Anne Abel: Would you take a rescue?
00:06:27.018 --> 00:06:30.378
Anne Abel: I heard myself say, I'll take anything.
00:06:30.998 --> 00:06:37.278
Anne Abel: So she volunteered for a rescue in the neighborhood and she said, I'll call the owner and tell him to call you.
00:06:37.638 --> 00:06:43.198
Anne Abel: And within five minutes, the man called, I said, I want a small lap dog that doesn't shed.
00:06:43.578 --> 00:06:47.198
Anne Abel: He said, oh, we have lots of dogs, but let me tell you about Milo.
00:06:48.438 --> 00:06:52.798
Anne Abel: So, you know, and he said, come out and meet him if you don't like him, we have lots of dogs.
00:06:53.398 --> 00:06:59.718
Anne Abel: So we go out and he's waiting for us in a sunny meadow with Milo and we go down.
00:06:59.738 --> 00:07:07.498
Anne Abel: Milo is a beautiful, sphynx-like dog with soulful eyes and white oversized paws, nicknamed to Mellow Milo.
00:07:07.958 --> 00:07:14.778
Anne Abel: And this was our dog, but then reality struck and I realized he was like four or five times bigger than what I wanted.
00:07:15.298 --> 00:07:17.058
Anne Abel: He said, okay, you said you had other dogs.
00:07:17.078 --> 00:07:18.838
Anne Abel: Could you, could we see them?
00:07:19.018 --> 00:07:19.658
Anne Abel: He said, sure.
00:07:19.678 --> 00:07:20.558
Anne Abel: Come in the waiting room.
00:07:20.578 --> 00:07:21.558
Anne Abel: I'll put Milo back.
00:07:21.918 --> 00:07:28.718
Anne Abel: And two minutes later, he let's lose this bichon named Scooter, who was aptly named because he was just ricocheting off the walls.
00:07:29.218 --> 00:07:34.398
Anne Abel: And my youngest son, one of the least words that our family said, take Scooter back.
00:07:34.878 --> 00:07:35.938
Anne Abel: We want Milo.
00:07:35.958 --> 00:07:38.038
Beverly Isla: What kind of breed was Milo?
00:07:38.298 --> 00:07:42.378
Anne Abel: Well, we've come to learn Heinz 57 is what they call them.
00:07:42.958 --> 00:07:46.398
Anne Abel: So that is this very savvy rescue guy.
00:07:46.618 --> 00:07:47.678
Anne Abel: He says, OK, fine.
00:07:47.898 --> 00:07:49.958
Anne Abel: And I'm like, can we take them home tonight and first?
00:07:50.078 --> 00:07:51.638
Anne Abel: And that's like for later.
00:07:51.658 --> 00:07:54.358
Anne Abel: But my two sons had wanted to wait.
00:07:54.498 --> 00:07:55.938
Anne Abel: But I'll get into that later.
00:07:55.958 --> 00:07:58.058
Anne Abel: But I wanted to take them home that night.
00:07:58.078 --> 00:07:59.938
Anne Abel: And then the guy said, OK, well, I'll be them.
00:07:59.958 --> 00:08:01.058
Anne Abel: I'll bring them to you tomorrow.
00:08:01.078 --> 00:08:02.558
Anne Abel: But he let me take you through the kennels.
00:08:02.578 --> 00:08:04.538
Anne Abel: It was December of 2001.
00:08:04.558 --> 00:08:10.778
Anne Abel: He said, we have lots of dogs in New York, you know, who are displaced by the World Trade Center tragedy.
00:08:11.258 --> 00:08:13.578
Anne Abel: Maybe you have friends who want a dog.
00:08:13.598 --> 00:08:17.718
Anne Abel: So we're going through it's dark and cold in December.
00:08:18.078 --> 00:08:23.398
Anne Abel: And the dogs are all they're all in cages and they're throwing themselves at the cages when they see us embarking.
00:08:23.798 --> 00:08:30.038
Anne Abel: And then we walk by Milo's cage and he's just curled up on a bed of rags, just looking at us.
00:08:30.838 --> 00:08:33.078
Anne Abel: So Josh turns and my youngest son turns in.
00:08:33.718 --> 00:08:36.558
Anne Abel: We can take Milo and so we'll take Milo tomorrow.
00:08:37.438 --> 00:08:40.498
Anne Abel: So the guy drops Milo off the next day.
00:08:41.078 --> 00:08:44.998
Anne Abel: Within three hours, he was humping and jumping, howling.
00:08:45.838 --> 00:08:57.138
Anne Abel: Within a few days, he bit two of my sons and abandoning the bloody rest of one of them, he said to me, I bet they sedated Milo at the rescue before we got there.
00:08:58.378 --> 00:09:00.898
Anne Abel: As soon as he said it, it was obvious.
00:09:01.338 --> 00:09:06.118
Anne Abel: And my first instinct, I was really pissed and I said, thought I'm bringing this monster back.
00:09:06.918 --> 00:09:11.798
Anne Abel: But then I remembered him on that bed of rags, and I just couldn't do it.
00:09:12.238 --> 00:09:17.338
Anne Abel: So someone had told me about a school called What A Good Dog exclamation point.
00:09:17.378 --> 00:09:20.698
Anne Abel: So I called there and they said, OK, you have to come for an interview.
00:09:20.858 --> 00:09:23.618
Anne Abel: Meanwhile, he was just terrorizing our house.
00:09:23.638 --> 00:09:26.458
Anne Abel: We were practically hiding under the beds.
00:09:26.858 --> 00:09:28.878
Anne Abel: I take him for walks, something I know.
00:09:28.898 --> 00:09:30.758
Anne Abel: He pulled me in front of a school bus.
00:09:30.878 --> 00:09:36.818
Anne Abel: I was on my belly and arms away from the school bus that had come to a screech.
00:09:37.478 --> 00:09:40.358
Anne Abel: And I listened to one of your podcasts.
00:09:40.378 --> 00:09:44.438
Anne Abel: You had a man on from he was CEO of Dog Training Elite Market.
00:09:44.458 --> 00:09:44.798
Beverly Isla: Yes.
00:09:45.378 --> 00:09:50.558
Anne Abel: And he was talking about connecting with, you know, should you connect with your dog at first?
00:09:50.578 --> 00:09:54.318
Anne Abel: Is that important in matching a dog to an owner?
00:09:54.738 --> 00:09:59.558
Anne Abel: And I'll tell you, I pulled Milo onto the sidewalk after that school bus thing.
00:10:00.138 --> 00:10:06.138
Anne Abel: And after everyone left because I didn't want them looking at me after all the traffic passed, I just started screaming, I hate you.
00:10:06.158 --> 00:10:08.418
Anne Abel: I hate, I mean, I hate you.
00:10:08.438 --> 00:10:12.798
Anne Abel: And again, I thought of taking them back to the rescue, but I just couldn't do it.
00:10:13.578 --> 00:10:17.598
Anne Abel: And it was like I couldn't live with him, but I knew I couldn't live with myself.
00:10:18.958 --> 00:10:20.538
Anne Abel: So I made it.
00:10:20.558 --> 00:10:21.478
Anne Abel: I just started making.
00:10:21.498 --> 00:10:24.918
Anne Abel: And then I went to a dog park and I couldn't go on the streets anymore.
00:10:25.098 --> 00:10:26.178
Anne Abel: And I'm walking around.
00:10:26.198 --> 00:10:27.678
Anne Abel: I'd never been to a dog park before.
00:10:27.698 --> 00:10:30.518
Anne Abel: And I'm walking around with this woman who had five rescues.
00:10:30.518 --> 00:10:33.178
Anne Abel: And Milo is barking and I'm trying to talk to her.
00:10:33.578 --> 00:10:41.638
Anne Abel: And by the time we made one revolution around the park, she stopped and she said, you know, there's a lot of dogs at the rescue more deserving than this one.
00:10:41.658 --> 00:10:43.618
Anne Abel: You should send him back and get out.
00:10:44.438 --> 00:10:44.958
Anne Abel: Yeah.
00:10:45.618 --> 00:10:48.798
Anne Abel: So then we but I'm making a list of all the problems.
00:10:48.818 --> 00:10:52.198
Anne Abel: So when we go for our interview, I can tell all my problems.
00:10:52.338 --> 00:10:53.078
Anne Abel: So we go.
00:10:53.578 --> 00:10:56.418
Anne Abel: Milo is sitting with my husband just perfectly.
00:10:56.778 --> 00:11:01.718
Anne Abel: My two sons are with, and I'm just telling the woman all the problems because I really, really want help.
00:11:01.858 --> 00:11:05.178
Anne Abel: And then I paused to see if she wants to analyze them herself.
00:11:05.198 --> 00:11:07.918
Anne Abel: And she says, you need to return Milo.
00:11:08.458 --> 00:11:11.478
Anne Abel: The owner of the rescue knew you were vulnerable.
00:11:11.498 --> 00:11:13.978
Anne Abel: He should never have given this dog to you.
00:11:14.098 --> 00:11:17.618
Anne Abel: You're the third family he's been placed with in 18 months.
00:11:18.418 --> 00:11:19.638
Anne Abel: And that was that was it.
00:11:20.058 --> 00:11:22.918
Anne Abel: And I just got up and we all walked out.
00:11:22.938 --> 00:11:26.498
Anne Abel: My kids were really angry, even though they hadn't wanted to adopt a dog.
00:11:26.518 --> 00:11:31.218
Anne Abel: They were just so angry that I had told all the and I had said to her, well, look at him.
00:11:31.458 --> 00:11:34.378
Anne Abel: He's so good, that's just because he's stressing.
00:11:34.658 --> 00:11:36.198
Anne Abel: He's been through this before.
00:11:36.218 --> 00:11:43.118
Anne Abel: So anyhow, I spent the next six months just completely immersed.
00:11:43.418 --> 00:11:46.578
Anne Abel: I got help from what a good dog exclamation point.
00:11:46.638 --> 00:11:49.758
Anne Abel: And we were six months of really intense training.
00:11:50.078 --> 00:11:52.278
Anne Abel: And then we were graduating and I was so happy.
00:11:52.978 --> 00:11:57.738
Anne Abel: And then she said to me, you've got to go with Milo every day to the woods for an hour.
00:11:58.178 --> 00:12:01.878
Anne Abel: So he can be the dog he was meant to be, which I hate nature.
00:12:01.898 --> 00:12:07.158
Anne Abel: I don't like walking alone in the woods, but I did it every day for 10 years.
00:12:07.458 --> 00:12:08.298
Beverly Isla: Good for you.
00:12:09.778 --> 00:12:12.958
Anne Abel: And I will tell you, and I would be trudging along the path.
00:12:13.218 --> 00:12:17.738
Anne Abel: It was just, you know, whether I were in crampons for the ice or boots for the mud.
00:12:18.018 --> 00:12:20.978
Anne Abel: But then I'd see him come soaring across the path.
00:12:21.518 --> 00:12:29.858
Anne Abel: And for those moments, my heart would just soar with him to see this animal who could have been stuck in a cage on a bed of rags.
00:12:29.918 --> 00:12:30.618
Beverly Isla: Yeah.
00:12:30.818 --> 00:12:33.038
Anne Abel: Being the creature he was born to be.
00:12:33.358 --> 00:12:35.418
Beverly Isla: Clearly, he need to let loose his energies.
00:12:35.738 --> 00:12:39.318
Anne Abel: So that's how I came to have Mattie and Milo.
00:12:40.918 --> 00:12:42.138
Beverly Isla: That's amazing that you did it.
00:12:42.158 --> 00:12:44.478
Beverly Isla: Two rescue dogs back to back.
00:12:44.678 --> 00:12:46.098
Beverly Isla: But we're just going to go on a quick break.
00:12:46.118 --> 00:12:53.858
Beverly Isla: And afterwards, we're going to go into how Mattie and Milo helped you navigate through your periods of grief and depression.
00:12:54.098 --> 00:12:55.558
Beverly Isla: So we're just going to have a quick break.
00:12:55.798 --> 00:13:01.318
Beverly Isla: And when we get back, we'll continue talking with Anne Abel, author of Mattie, Milo, and Me.
00:13:03.218 --> 00:13:04.938
Announcer: Molly, here's your dinner. Zeus, that's not your food!
00:13:09.458 --> 00:13:11.578
Announcer: Don't let that happen to your precious cat.
00:13:11.758 --> 00:13:14.938
Announcer: Elevate your cat's eating experience with the cat tree tray.
00:13:15.238 --> 00:13:20.638
Announcer: The cat tree tray keeps your cat's food off the floor and conveniently located on the cat tree.
00:13:21.058 --> 00:13:23.178
Announcer: It's the perfect way to eat.
00:13:23.578 --> 00:13:30.998
Announcer: It's a beautiful wrought iron tray that easily attaches to your cat tree and keeps dogs and other critters out of your cat's dish.
00:13:31.338 --> 00:13:33.218
Announcer: A must for multi-pet households.
00:13:33.498 --> 00:13:37.478
Announcer: There's a six inch tray for large bowls and a four inch tray for smaller bowls.
00:13:37.918 --> 00:13:40.598
Announcer: Purchase your cat tree tray today.
00:13:40.918 --> 00:13:43.258
Announcer: >Go right now to cattreetray.com.
00:13:43.658 --> 00:13:45.558
Announcer: That's cattreetray.com.
00:13:53.458 --> 00:13:54.698
Announcer: Let's talk pests.
00:13:55.538 --> 00:13:56.538
Announcer: On Pet Life Radio.
00:13:57.898 --> 00:13:58.778
Announcer: Pet Life Radio.
00:14:09.801 --> 00:14:11.141
Beverly Isla: Welcome back to Save A Pooch.
00:14:11.201 --> 00:14:14.201
Beverly Isla: We are talking with author Anne Abel.
00:14:14.641 --> 00:14:20.821
Beverly Isla: So before the break, we touched on how she came about rescuing two dogs when she wasn't a dog person.
00:14:20.841 --> 00:14:23.321
Beverly Isla: So that's amazing that you converted, yay.
00:14:23.721 --> 00:14:31.221
Beverly Isla: So let's get into what was happening in your life and how they impacted you through that period of time.
00:14:31.781 --> 00:14:33.881
Anne Abel: Well, Mattie wasn't a rescue.
00:14:33.901 --> 00:14:35.841
Anne Abel: She was a breeder, but.
00:14:36.081 --> 00:14:36.621
Beverly Isla: Right, okay.
00:14:37.121 --> 00:14:46.301
Anne Abel: And she was just basically a really sweet stuffed animal dog who all she wanted to do was give love and take love, which is really good for someone suffering with depression.
00:14:46.321 --> 00:14:51.661
Anne Abel: And I'd be sitting at my desk working and she'd be there and I'd look at her and I would just feel so good.
00:14:51.681 --> 00:14:54.361
Anne Abel: And then we'd go down and have a snack, she'd go out.
00:14:54.381 --> 00:14:57.061
Anne Abel: I mean, she was just such a nice, warm companion.
00:14:57.681 --> 00:14:58.801
Anne Abel: She was just lovely.
00:14:58.821 --> 00:15:04.301
Anne Abel: And it just would always make me feel good to look at her, to be with her, to snuggle with her.
00:15:04.321 --> 00:15:06.201
Anne Abel: It was kind of a no brainer.
00:15:06.881 --> 00:15:08.141
Anne Abel: That's got Milo.
00:15:08.241 --> 00:15:14.661
Anne Abel: And I got Milo so quickly because I wanted a distraction from, you know, after he was right out.
00:15:14.841 --> 00:15:16.941
Anne Abel: And he was a distraction.
00:15:16.961 --> 00:15:22.481
Anne Abel: I mean, I didn't have time to think of, I still missed Mattie, but I had to be so vigilant.
00:15:22.501 --> 00:15:30.481
Anne Abel: I mean, every minute of every day, I was his, you know, I was what was keeping him and keeping him from the rest of attacking the rest of the world.
00:15:30.501 --> 00:15:36.201
Anne Abel: And also from having to go, but you know, if he did something horrible, he would have had to go back to the rescue.
00:15:36.221 --> 00:15:38.721
Anne Abel: I went to dog and what a good dog school.
00:15:38.741 --> 00:15:39.861
Anne Abel: It was what a good dog.
00:15:40.321 --> 00:15:42.661
Anne Abel: The hardest thing was I'm not an alpha.
00:15:42.861 --> 00:15:46.201
Anne Abel: Any alpha I had in me was beaten out in childhood.
00:15:46.781 --> 00:15:49.701
Anne Abel: But the teacher, she would start yelling at me.
00:15:49.961 --> 00:15:53.881
Anne Abel: And like one day I was just standing there and I was talking to her.
00:15:54.121 --> 00:15:55.281
Anne Abel: We had told him to sit.
00:15:55.301 --> 00:15:56.161
Anne Abel: This is at the beginning.
00:15:56.181 --> 00:16:02.141
Anne Abel: And then he just starts kind of walking around smelling, you know, this is, and she says, Anne.
00:16:02.161 --> 00:16:05.801
Anne Abel: And I'm like, you're supposed to be the alpha, not Milo.
00:16:05.821 --> 00:16:10.321
Anne Abel: You know, cause so I had to really, with my kids, I never had to be an alpha.
00:16:10.341 --> 00:16:11.481
Anne Abel: They were just easy.
00:16:11.501 --> 00:16:14.941
Anne Abel: I did, you know, it was just natural for me to parent them.
00:16:14.961 --> 00:16:18.821
Anne Abel: But with Milo, I had to really like force myself.
00:16:18.881 --> 00:16:20.361
Anne Abel: I don't like training people.
00:16:20.381 --> 00:16:21.621
Anne Abel: I don't like controlling them.
00:16:21.641 --> 00:16:25.061
Anne Abel: But in the end, it really was distracting getting him.
00:16:25.501 --> 00:16:29.461
Anne Abel: And even though I didn't like him, I hated him at the very beginning.
00:16:29.481 --> 00:16:33.241
Anne Abel: And I even tried, we had a carpenter working at our house the first couple of weeks.
00:16:33.401 --> 00:16:35.961
Anne Abel: He was 25 years old, 30, wore work boots.
00:16:35.981 --> 00:16:37.441
Anne Abel: He had a German shepherd at home.
00:16:37.721 --> 00:16:38.841
Anne Abel: And Milo loved him.
00:16:38.861 --> 00:16:40.201
Anne Abel: He would go sidle up to him.
00:16:40.741 --> 00:16:44.861
Anne Abel: And I asked him if he would take Milo, you know, because he said no.
00:16:44.881 --> 00:16:47.801
Anne Abel: And I was really glad Milo didn't understand what was going on.
00:16:48.821 --> 00:17:05.801
Anne Abel: But what happened was, even though I was doing all these things with Milo that were outside my comfort zone, things that I never would have wanted to do, if given the choice, we were doing these intense things, like the teacher said I had to go into crowded places with this dog and I'm like, are you crazy?
00:17:05.821 --> 00:17:10.181
Anne Abel: I'm taking a, you know, so we did these really high stress things together.
00:17:10.761 --> 00:17:14.781
Anne Abel: I bonded with, you know, when you're doing things like that, you bond in a certain way.
00:17:14.801 --> 00:17:17.681
Anne Abel: And then also, he was a quick learner.
00:17:17.701 --> 00:17:24.181
Anne Abel: And even though he was always a bit wild to the day he died, he understood what I was trying to do with him.
00:17:24.201 --> 00:17:28.701
Anne Abel: And he, we would kind of make believe that I was the Alpha, most of the time.
00:17:28.921 --> 00:17:31.121
Anne Abel: And I fell in love with him.
00:17:31.141 --> 00:17:32.761
Anne Abel: And I learned that there's different kinds.
00:17:33.081 --> 00:17:34.441
Anne Abel: There are different kinds of love.
00:17:34.461 --> 00:17:37.001
Anne Abel: My love for him was different than my love for Mattie.
00:17:37.161 --> 00:17:46.761
Anne Abel: But you know, when I would come, he'd be waiting for me in the car or at home and I'd come home and he'd see me and his lion king tail would do 180 degree swish.
00:17:47.141 --> 00:17:48.801
Anne Abel: What's not to love about that?
00:17:49.601 --> 00:17:51.241
Anne Abel: That someone's happy to see you.
00:17:52.261 --> 00:17:56.661
Beverly Isla: And it's great that it seems like he, well, almost forced you to get out of your shell.
00:17:57.081 --> 00:17:58.261
Beverly Isla: That wouldn't have been done.
00:17:58.281 --> 00:17:59.621
Anne Abel: He absolutely forced me.
00:17:59.641 --> 00:18:13.221
Anne Abel: I would, and if I had known on day one, what was in store for me for the next 10 years, I probably would have still done it because I just couldn't, didn't have the heart to send him back, but I would have been, you know, I was taking it one day at a time.
00:18:13.301 --> 00:18:14.961
Anne Abel: Everything was one day at a time.
00:18:14.981 --> 00:18:19.281
Anne Abel: And then I never liked taking him to the woods, but I never missed a day.
00:18:19.781 --> 00:18:23.561
Anne Abel: And I did it because it was good for Milo and I felt really good.
00:18:23.781 --> 00:18:24.381
Anne Abel: And you know what?
00:18:24.441 --> 00:18:34.561
Anne Abel: There wasn't a day that went by in the 10 years we had him that I didn't think of the dog curled up on the bed of rags and then compare him to the dog he was now.
00:18:34.581 --> 00:18:39.261
Anne Abel: And it just made me feel really good to have been able to help a living being this way.
00:18:39.601 --> 00:18:44.721
Beverly Isla: Yeah, that's, he's come a long way, it seems, especially because he never even liked dogs in the beginning.
00:18:45.981 --> 00:18:47.981
Beverly Isla: So I love seeing that kind of transformation.
00:18:48.121 --> 00:18:56.341
Beverly Isla: And you bring up a good point, which is the debate around, should someone with grief need time to recover before getting another dog?
00:18:56.361 --> 00:18:59.981
Beverly Isla: And I was actually just talking about this with my cousins because she recently lost her dog.
00:19:00.321 --> 00:19:05.221
Beverly Isla: And she's wondering, should I give myself time or should I just jump in and get another dog?
00:19:05.601 --> 00:19:07.701
Beverly Isla: I honestly have no answer for that.
00:19:07.981 --> 00:19:13.461
Beverly Isla: But you've gone through, I guess, not taking the time and just went for the other dog.
00:19:13.481 --> 00:19:15.501
Beverly Isla: And it did work in your favor.
00:19:15.901 --> 00:19:24.641
Beverly Isla: Do you think, like what factors do you believe that individuals should consider when contemplating getting another dog while still processing grief?
00:19:25.301 --> 00:19:27.561
Anne Abel: Well, I mean, obviously, everybody's different.
00:19:27.821 --> 00:19:28.341
Beverly Isla: For sure.
00:19:28.821 --> 00:19:36.301
Anne Abel: And the way I function and the way I function with my depression is, action and activity keeps me more buoyed.
00:19:36.381 --> 00:19:38.241
Anne Abel: So like doing things is better.
00:19:38.801 --> 00:19:50.601
Anne Abel: But to be honest, my husband and I were a little worried that adopting a dog the day after one was killed, would make our kids think that living beings are just replaceable.
00:19:51.321 --> 00:19:52.501
Beverly Isla: Ah, that's a good point.
00:19:52.741 --> 00:19:58.161
Anne Abel: So we called my therapist, who knows me better than I know me, and we talked about it.
00:19:58.161 --> 00:20:01.801
Anne Abel: And she said our boys, two of our home were 13 and 17.
00:20:01.821 --> 00:20:08.821
Anne Abel: So she said, she thought they were old enough and secure enough to understand that beings aren't replaceable.
00:20:08.841 --> 00:20:20.121
Anne Abel: And she also thought they were old enough to have the experience of doing for me, you know, I was usually doing for them, but for them to consider my situation.
00:20:20.281 --> 00:20:28.841
Anne Abel: So we went to, the day after Mattie was killed, we went to school to pick them up and then we were going to the rescue and I told them what we were going to do.
00:20:29.581 --> 00:20:33.301
Anne Abel: And the two boys each said that if it were up to them, they would wait.
00:20:33.321 --> 00:20:40.661
Anne Abel: And you know, they weren't ready to get another dog, but they understood my depression and how I was home all day.
00:20:40.681 --> 00:20:45.261
Anne Abel: And so her absence would be biggest, felt the most by me.
00:20:46.061 --> 00:20:53.401
Anne Abel: And I also pointed two things out to them, that if I hadn't loved Mattie so much, I wouldn't be rushing out to get another dog.
00:20:53.881 --> 00:21:02.101
Anne Abel: And if we got another dog, at least one living being in this world, it would be better off for Mattie having been killed.
00:21:02.181 --> 00:21:08.541
Anne Abel: I mean, it was just such a horrible tragedy, but at least one creature would be better off.
00:21:08.801 --> 00:21:10.841
Anne Abel: But I was on the beat.
00:21:10.841 --> 00:21:12.761
Anne Abel: I now have three little rescues.
00:21:14.341 --> 00:21:15.201
Beverly Isla: That's awesome.
00:21:15.241 --> 00:21:17.061
Anne Abel: Two of them, like 10 years ago.
00:21:17.461 --> 00:21:21.841
Anne Abel: And this man in his 70s came over to me to pat them and talk about dogs.
00:21:22.161 --> 00:21:24.421
Anne Abel: And I asked him if he had one.
00:21:24.441 --> 00:21:33.721
Anne Abel: He said, well, I had them all my life, but I just, I can't go through the heartbreak of losing another dog, which I completely understand.
00:21:33.921 --> 00:21:34.941
Beverly Isla: I sympathize with that.
00:21:34.981 --> 00:21:44.881
Anne Abel: And we have a 19 and a half year old Chihuahua, who is actually in the last chapter of Mattie, Milo, and Me because we went to the same rescue to get him the day after Milo died.
00:21:45.241 --> 00:21:48.941
Anne Abel: But he's 19 and a half and we're just coming.
00:21:49.101 --> 00:21:51.861
Anne Abel: He's defied death a few times.
00:21:52.381 --> 00:21:57.321
Anne Abel: And trying to be really vigilant that we're keeping him alive for him and not for us.
00:21:57.901 --> 00:22:02.241
Anne Abel: And he's completely incontinent, which you don't put a dog down for that.
00:22:02.261 --> 00:22:04.061
Anne Abel: And it's so much work, but we do it.
00:22:04.261 --> 00:22:12.261
Anne Abel: But then last weekend, actually, he was having trouble walking on the hardwood floors and the bathroom and floors.
00:22:12.281 --> 00:22:18.061
Anne Abel: And my husband went into the bathroom at one point and Ryan had peed on the floor and he was just lying there in his pee.
00:22:18.081 --> 00:22:24.261
Anne Abel: He just couldn't get up and I didn't sleep for three nights thinking that maybe this was the moment.
00:22:24.281 --> 00:22:30.401
Anne Abel: And I think you forget how horrible it is to lose one dog until it actually happens.
00:22:31.021 --> 00:22:40.641
Anne Abel: And then a friend of mine who's really like a dog whisperer, we had her come over Sunday night and we're actually out of town and she takes care of him.
00:22:40.661 --> 00:22:49.261
Anne Abel: And she kind of, she's no nonsense, but she said she didn't think it was time and she took him home with her and he's doing okay.
00:22:49.281 --> 00:22:56.841
Anne Abel: But it's heartbreaking to imagine a world without this living being that you've been with for so long and that you love so much.
00:22:57.281 --> 00:22:58.581
Beverly Isla: Yeah, yeah.
00:22:58.781 --> 00:23:07.821
Anne Abel: You can't avoid death, but if you move on and get another dog, you're opening your heart up for more love and especially a rescue.
00:23:07.841 --> 00:23:14.521
Anne Abel: If you get a rescue dog, you just think about how you're making this being's life so much better.
00:23:15.181 --> 00:23:17.321
Beverly Isla: Absolutely, for sure, for sure.
00:23:17.601 --> 00:23:23.401
Beverly Isla: That's always the thought that I get when I foster dog and let it go and I'm bummed out about that.
00:23:23.441 --> 00:23:27.961
Beverly Isla: It's who or which dog am I going to get help next because of that?
00:23:28.101 --> 00:23:29.961
Beverly Isla: So I totally understand where you're coming from.
00:23:29.981 --> 00:23:45.121
Beverly Isla: Now, before we wrap up this episode, I really wanted to get your take on what you think people who are considering adopting a rescue dog, especially those with behavioral issues that are common, you've gone through that.
00:23:45.361 --> 00:23:50.561
Beverly Isla: What advice would you have so that they don't quickly, I guess, return the dog?
00:23:50.621 --> 00:23:51.281
Anne Abel: Right, right.
00:23:51.301 --> 00:23:53.201
Beverly Isla: You stuck it out, which is awesome.
00:23:53.421 --> 00:24:00.981
Anne Abel: I'll tell you, I pretty quickly, within a week or 10 days, I mean, the jungle drums of the dog world be really loud.
00:24:01.001 --> 00:24:04.921
Anne Abel: I didn't even know there was such a thing.
00:24:04.921 --> 00:24:09.181
Anne Abel: And the head of the school, the owner of the school, she just appeared at our house.
00:24:09.441 --> 00:24:11.641
Anne Abel: And I would say, get an expert.
00:24:11.881 --> 00:24:14.761
Anne Abel: I could never have done this without help.
00:24:14.781 --> 00:24:17.641
Anne Abel: And, you know, I had my doubts, but I trusted her.
00:24:18.181 --> 00:24:21.981
Anne Abel: I trusted her and she kept saying, you know, he would be biting people.
00:24:22.301 --> 00:24:24.421
Anne Abel: I thought she would say, no, you have to give him back.
00:24:24.421 --> 00:24:27.121
Anne Abel: And she kept saying, I have lots of tricks in my bag.
00:24:27.141 --> 00:24:29.941
Anne Abel: If one doesn't work first, she said, give it a month, let's see.
00:24:29.961 --> 00:24:32.401
Anne Abel: But I just trusted her implicitly.
00:24:32.421 --> 00:24:40.361
Anne Abel: And like when she told me to take them into a crowd, I just looked at her and I'm like, okay, I really say, get someone you trust.
00:24:40.521 --> 00:24:41.901
Anne Abel: And at first I joked with her.
00:24:41.921 --> 00:24:42.841
Anne Abel: I said, could you take him?
00:24:43.061 --> 00:24:44.281
Anne Abel: Like, do you have boarding school?
00:24:44.301 --> 00:24:46.381
Anne Abel: And she said, Anne, that wouldn't even help you.
00:24:47.501 --> 00:24:48.321
Beverly Isla: You have to learn.
00:24:48.341 --> 00:24:53.541
Anne Abel: So my first lesson in dog school was don't talk facetiously with Mary.
00:24:53.541 --> 00:24:59.821
Anne Abel: But I just so believe in getting, whether it was for my kids, if they had problems, just get expert help.
00:25:00.021 --> 00:25:06.621
Anne Abel: And I think you can really save yourself and your dog a lot of trouble if you get the help and follow through on it.
00:25:07.281 --> 00:25:07.941
Beverly Isla: Absolutely.
00:25:08.121 --> 00:25:17.501
Beverly Isla: Now, I mean, it would have helped if, like you mentioned, when you went to the rescue, if they indeed sedated the dog, so you wouldn't see the real characteristics, it would have.
00:25:17.681 --> 00:25:20.761
Anne Abel: Apparently, I've heard it's not that uncommon.
00:25:20.921 --> 00:25:22.121
Anne Abel: So, you know, maybe.
00:25:22.141 --> 00:25:23.301
Beverly Isla: No, I've never.
00:25:26.081 --> 00:25:26.621
Anne Abel: I don't know.
00:25:26.641 --> 00:25:32.961
Anne Abel: Maybe people are just saying it, but I'm telling you, it was night and day, that dog, from when we met him to the next day.
00:25:32.981 --> 00:25:35.501
Anne Abel: I mean, he was just terrorizing us.
00:25:36.861 --> 00:25:38.401
Beverly Isla: Come on, rescue organizations.
00:25:39.061 --> 00:25:39.481
Anne Abel: Okay.
00:25:39.501 --> 00:25:40.521
Anne Abel: Well, I don't know.
00:25:40.521 --> 00:25:45.181
Anne Abel: Maybe it's not true, but anyhow, we got really good help and someone I trusted.
00:25:45.201 --> 00:25:55.601
Anne Abel: So even if I were doing things that I didn't completely understand and they weren't, I'm telling you, they and when I didn't follow her directions, I got myself in trouble.
00:25:56.001 --> 00:25:58.241
Beverly Isla: So how long did it take you?
00:25:58.461 --> 00:26:00.121
Anne Abel: Well, it took six months of school.
00:26:01.401 --> 00:26:12.281
Anne Abel: I mean, I mean constant, constant behavior modification and then for 10 years, I had to go to the woods every day for an hour.
00:26:12.301 --> 00:26:12.961
Beverly Isla: Yeah.
00:26:13.101 --> 00:26:15.441
Anne Abel: It was a lifelong thing with him.
00:26:15.441 --> 00:26:21.561
Anne Abel: And I'll tell you, a week before he ended up getting cancer, he was diagnosed Monday and Friday he died.
00:26:21.581 --> 00:26:25.741
Anne Abel: But the week before he was diagnosed, some food fell out of the refrigerator.
00:26:25.921 --> 00:26:27.281
Anne Abel: My husband went to grab it.
00:26:27.581 --> 00:26:34.821
Anne Abel: But the rule kind of was if it falls on the floor, it's Milo's and Milo bit my husband, you know, but oh, but that's what happened.
00:26:34.841 --> 00:26:36.901
Anne Abel: People would go, you've got to get rid of that animal.
00:26:37.041 --> 00:26:38.361
Anne Abel: But he wasn't an animal.
00:26:38.381 --> 00:26:41.901
Anne Abel: He was part of our family and we should know better when it landed on the floor.
00:26:42.181 --> 00:26:43.021
Anne Abel: Just leave it.
00:26:43.281 --> 00:26:46.221
Anne Abel: So get expert advice and follow the advice.
00:26:46.241 --> 00:26:47.381
Beverly Isla: I agree.
00:26:48.181 --> 00:26:50.921
Beverly Isla: Well, thank you so much for taking the time.
00:26:50.921 --> 00:26:54.121
Beverly Isla: We are out of time and I really appreciate you here.
00:26:54.481 --> 00:26:57.941
Beverly Isla: And thanks to our show producer, Mark Winter, for making the show possible.
00:26:58.201 --> 00:27:05.301
Beverly Isla: Now you can follow Anne Abel's work at anneabelauthor.com and our social media, which will also be on the show notes page.
00:27:05.561 --> 00:27:09.501
Beverly Isla: Keep an eye on her book and we look forward to seeing the launch of it.
00:27:09.601 --> 00:27:10.221
Beverly Isla: Thank you, Anne.
00:27:10.241 --> 00:27:10.921
Anne Abel: Thank you, Beverly.
00:27:11.061 --> 00:27:11.581
Beverly Isla: Welcome.
00:27:11.701 --> 00:27:17.261
Beverly Isla: If you have any questions, comments, or ideas for a show, please email me, Beverly at petliferadio.com.
00:27:17.501 --> 00:27:20.121
Beverly Isla: So until next time, spread animal compassion.
00:27:20.681 --> 00:27:21.741
Announcer: Let's talk pets.
00:27:22.161 --> 00:27:23.721
Announcer: Every week on demand.
00:27:24.141 --> 00:27:26.661
Announcer: Only on petliferadio.com.