Chapter 18 Ghosted
Life sucks when you are a ghost, and you can't cross over. It REALLY sucks when your only hope for salvation lies in the hands of a snarky cat who hates you. Today on Quirky Cat Nips, we're airing Chapter 18 of Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted in our ongoing presentation of this hilarious audiobook. Meow Kitties!
Listen to Episode #33 Now:
Transcript:
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Announcer: This is Pet Life Radio.
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Announcer: Let's talk pets.
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Announcer: Cat lovers and feline friends, it's time for Adele Park's Quirky Cat Nips.
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Announcer: Today, on the Quirky Cat Nips Podcast, we're airing a chapter of Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted, which we will do until the entire audio book has been broadcasted.
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Announcer: We invite all you kitties to kick back now, relax and enjoy Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted by Adele Park.
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Announcer: >Audio Recording St.
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Announcer: George Presents Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted Written, produced and edited by Adele Park Narrated by a full cast.
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A Directive from Gertrude Fletcher, Head of the Naval Utah Department of Motor Vehicles.
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Part 18.
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I may have perished in a motor vehicle incident on the same bridge that claimed the life of Blue Mckenna, but that's where the similarities stop.
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I take umbrage with the notion that my demise was caused by faulty driving.
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During the time I spent as the Director for the Department of Motor Vehicles in Naval, I practiced what I preached about driver safety.
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I took the job at the DMV because I was ready to retire from double deuces, but not from work.
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It was complete serendipity that I became romantically entangled with Boyd Fletcher during my final few weeks at the double deuces.
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Unbeknownst to Boyd, I had already turned in my notice and did not slip out under a shroud of secrecy as he was led to believe.
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In fact, my employers at double deuces threw a going away party, surprising me by flying in my older brother for the festivities.
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I retired from the FBI at the same time as I would no longer be able to answer questions about who darkened the doors of the double deuces casino.
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My reward for 40 years of service?
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A nice pension, but no party.
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I used the money to help a niece get through college and to bail out an uncle who was struggling under the weight of medical expenses.
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Why didn't I share this money with Boyd?
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Doing so would have required disclosing where the money came from.
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I found it less taxing to just get another job.
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As it so happened, the DMV in Naval was sorely in need of reformation.
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I was the perfect match for the position, having acquired a lifetime of organizational skills at my previous two positions.
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There was no need to disclose my work history to my ward blue.
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She had her own path to navigate.
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The extraneous details of my life would only add confusion.
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The goal was to motor blue into the next existence, even though she thinks I'm trying to block her efforts.
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Why would I do that?
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Certainly not because I want to find blue haunting my office at the DMV every day.
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Despite blue's unfounded suspicions that I am somehow keeping her here, she's become keenly aware that in order to cross over, she will need the assistance of others.
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But to do this, blue must first gain the cooperation of her longtime rival, Skitterz the Cat.
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Next!
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In case you haven't noticed, you've been ghosted!
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The noise damn near broke the sound barrier.
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Even the granite pillars of the overly ornate bridge in front of Juniper Hollow seem to sway in the reverberation of the horrendous sound.
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God, if such a being exists, must have been thinking, who in the hell is making all that racket down there?
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The answer would be Delphina Fletcher, Boyd Fletcher's long-lost grandmother.
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This hella-hollering was Delphina's not-so-subtle way of stopping me from moving towards the hallowed white light.
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It wasn't the first time either.
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In a flash, it all came back.
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Me, at the crematorium, waiting for my body to be slid into the MRI tube heading to Asheville.
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Announcer: I wasn't scared.
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That is until I heard Delphina screaming at rectal surgeon concert levels.
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<v SPEAKER_7>Go back!
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It's taken all these months to piece it together.
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But I now understand what caused me to boomerang my truck into the bridge at Juniper Hollow.
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There was someone standing in the middle of the road.
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She was barefoot, wearing a floor-length white nightgown with a lacy collar.
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Half her face looked like congealed lasagna, dripping red goo, frozen in time.
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Creepy deepy, especially when viewed in the early morning mist.
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I imagine Gertrude had a similar reaction when she came upon this same figure herself.
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What we saw in the last moments of our lives, both Gertrude and me, was Delphina.
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I didn't know who she was at the time.
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Maybe Gertrude did, but she's as tight as a tick when it comes to sharing information.
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I can tell she's still keeping some pertinent details from me.
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Something to do with Delphina.
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What I know for sure is that I unwittingly re-released the Kraken trying to leave this shivering, odorous existence a second time.
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I've been dead so long, the only portal out of here now is at the place where I exited the Land of the Living, that being the bridge at Juniper Hollow.
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I thought I could just saunter through to the white light.
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The sound coming out of what was left of Delphina's mouth was so powerful, it would have knocked me over if I had a real body.
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The day of Delphina's scream-o-rama began with me finally confronting Gertrude Fletcher.
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You keep telling me my case is being argued with the people in the main office, I said, swirling around Gertrude's dungeon gray space at the DMV.
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There is no main office unless you count that hellhole underneath the bridge.
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I didn't need to tell Gertrude which bridge I was referring to.
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That bridge claimed her life, too.
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Only Gertrude was driving the opposite way when she skipped off the grid.
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Why are you and that bat wanger Delphina keeping me here?
00:07:16.905 --> 00:07:18.405
I yelled.
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Aside from the baying banshee incident at the crematorium that kept me here in the first place, my other attempts to cross over or whatever happens when you exit this realm were always scrubbed by Gertrude.
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I don't know if Gertrude put a spiritual tracking device on me or what, but every time I try to bust out of here, she threatens to hand my case over to her superior, who I now know is Delphina.
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And all this time I thought her superior was God.
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Wow!
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Guess I've been punked.
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When I first inherited this ghastly bride get up they put me in at the funeral home, I went along to get along.
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Mostly because of Rudy.
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He hadn't even been born when I died.
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If you think a normal baby birthing is gross, you wouldn't have wanted to peek in on my husband extracting Rudy from my belly, like an off season hunter gutting a poached elk.
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Rudy was so tiny and frail.
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I couldn't leave him behind.
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Now I see that I must.
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I'm just not sure how.
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Gertrude's reaction to my insubordination was puzzling.
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She wasn't bureaucratically defiant, nor offended by my hostility.
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Gertrude, small of stature but larger than life when it comes to authority, actually seemed a little scared and tired.
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Announcer: I get that.
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This rest in peace thing is anything but peaceful.
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It's god damn exhausting if you ask me.
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Rather than respond to my haughty tone, Gertrude suggested she accompany me back to the scene of the crime, so to speak.
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Only the crimes committed against Gertrude and me weren't done by a human.
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These down-and-outers were courtesy of the ghost of Delphina.
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Although they'd never met in person, a few years ago, Delphina made a full-on effort to get Gertrude to join her on the other side of mortality.
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The plan, it seems, was to prompt the authorities to have another look at the bridge when they came to scrape the remains of Gertrude off the pilings.
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Maybe someone would finally find Delphina's body cemented up like the center of an exceptionally nasty tootsie roll.
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When that didn't pan out, Delphina shoved me off the mortal coil.
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Having done extensive research on the subject, I was well aware that Delphina experienced a deplorable finale.
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I was never in the camp of some navalites who thought Delphina just wanted to get away from the shame and financial ruin caused by her family.
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Boyd's father and Delphina were snatched in the middle of the night over a business arrangement gone south.
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They were taken by the mob to Juniper Hollow for interrogation.
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Only one returned.
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What did they want?
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Well, money, for one thing, and not just what they thought the Fletchers owed them.
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Boyd believes there was a wad of cash hidden somewhere in Juniper Hollow, left over from the bootlegging days.
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By this point in time, the Fletchers had already surrendered Juniper Hollow and were living in naval.
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I was intrigued enough to begin writing about it.
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Boyd, eager to get to the bottom of what really happened to his grandmother, supplied me with oodles of documents, photos and blueprints.
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Why the latter, you ask?
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Because Juniper Hollow was a Houdini house, full of secret compartments, escape hatches and lookout points.
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Ditto for the property itself, including the catacombs underneath Granite Ridge, the one that Boyd's cabin sits on top of.
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Delphina wasn't in the catacombs.
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Boyd is approaching the Krusty Kodger stage of life.
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But in his youth, he spent a lot of time exploring the maze of caves under the ridge.
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Part of this was due to his work as an errand boy for the family firewater business.
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Later, he went there looking for his grandmother.
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The grounds itself also had a lot of hidden crannies, both for people and contraband.
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Among them are watchtowers, cleverly built into the granite pilings, holding up the little bridge in front of Juniper Hollow.
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Truly, it's way more bridge than needed, for the drainage ditch it covers.
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Fancy turrets crown the pilings on top of the bridge, each with a lookout window carved into them.
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The one on the west side, the closest to the entrance to Juniper Hollow, has a little door that leads into a hollowed out interior.
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The view out of the window shows a good quarter mile of the road, leaving whoever was on watch duty plenty of time to alert the bootleggers at Juniper Hollow if trouble was coming.
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I explored it once before my belly grew so big, I couldn't fit through it comfortably.
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The other turreted columns were solid granite, except for the small windows at the top.
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Boyd said in the old days, they used to put lanterns in those windows, so the gangsters from Las Vegas could find the place when they were sneaking into the area at night.
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I didn't know about the hiding space in the column underneath the bridge, opposite the piling with the door.
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No one did.
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That's because the space needed to squeeze into the middle of that piling had been cemented over.
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Care was taken to make it look like the other ones, leaving most to believe the only lookout spot was the one on top.
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Announcer: Hang tight, kitties.
00:13:11.885 --> 00:13:13.785
Announcer: We'll be back in a scratch.
00:13:17.705 --> 00:13:21.685
Announcer: What happens when cosmetics and polygamy collide?
00:13:21.685 --> 00:13:25.485
Announcer: Find out in Quirky Killers by Adele Park.
00:13:25.485 --> 00:13:34.125
Announcer: Take a trip to quirky polygamist country, where one of the local brides is just itching to get her husbands to heaven in a hurry.
00:13:34.125 --> 00:13:35.305
Announcer: Quirky Killers.
00:13:35.305 --> 00:13:37.525
Announcer: Get it today on audible.com.
00:13:38.245 --> 00:13:39.665
Announcer: You'll die laughing.
00:13:42.985 --> 00:13:45.405
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00:14:26.065 --> 00:14:27.225
<v SPEAKER_5>Let's talk pets.
00:14:28.145 --> 00:14:30.485
<v SPEAKER_5>On PetLife Radio.
00:14:30.485 --> 00:14:32.705
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00:14:38.952 --> 00:14:46.712
Gertrude is being a little more forthcoming, now that she knows I'm planning a spiritual jailbreak for real this time.
00:14:46.712 --> 00:14:48.892
She isn't sad to see me go.
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We're hardly what you'd call friends.
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Gertrude just doesn't want to be stuck here while Granny Dearest kills someone else by making them plow into the bridge.
00:14:58.032 --> 00:15:02.552
Perhaps they'll coin a new term, death by sturdy construction.
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This bridge has been the cause of at least two fatal car wrecks, and there isn't a dent in either one of the pilings.
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What there is, however, is Delphina's vertical grave.
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That piling, according to Gertrude, is the main office.
00:15:19.492 --> 00:15:22.012
Let me get this straight, I said.
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The body of Boyd's grandmother is trapped in the piling underneath the east side of the bridge at Juniper Hollow?
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Based on her bloody Picasso face, I'm guessing she was already dead when they sealed it up.
00:15:34.512 --> 00:15:42.452
This whole bridge situation is like a prison, where you serve your sentence but can never leave.
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Oh, terrific.
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I'd gone from being the wife of a rock star to bottom dwelling with the ungrateful dead.
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Worse than that, I just wasted six months hanging around the DMV, hoping Gertrude, my so-called case worker, would get me sent back to the land of the living.
00:16:02.572 --> 00:16:08.452
I understand now why Gertrude's office remains unoccupied by people with a pulse.
00:16:08.452 --> 00:16:12.712
Office is too fanciful a word to describe this space.
00:16:12.712 --> 00:16:15.812
Grubby gap is more accurate.
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It's so small, it barely fits her desk.
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And Gertrude behind that desk is even smaller.
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Her tabletop looks like the landing pad for the space shuttle compared to her tiny body.
00:16:29.432 --> 00:16:32.872
Never underestimate the power of the small.
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Gertrude retained dominion over this dingy space of the DMV, even after she put on that pine overcoat.
00:16:40.352 --> 00:16:44.412
Actually, Gertrude wasn't buried, and neither was I.
00:16:44.412 --> 00:16:47.392
Both of us were torched at the same facility in St.
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George.
00:16:48.552 --> 00:16:50.852
They don't do cremations in Naval.
00:16:50.852 --> 00:16:55.892
The locals prefer to head off to planet Kolob or wherever it is Mormons go, intact.
00:16:56.692 --> 00:16:59.092
Good plan, Mormon clan!
00:16:59.092 --> 00:17:05.252
Who knows what kind of shape I'd be in if Delphina hadn't scared me into this nippy noodles form of purgatory.
00:17:05.252 --> 00:17:08.412
I'm guessing Delphina did the same thing to Gertrude.
00:17:08.412 --> 00:17:17.612
Just in case you're wondering, Gertrude's ghost is dressed in a severe Navy blue skirt and blazer with a standard white blouse underneath.
00:17:17.612 --> 00:17:20.612
Her clothing is professionally versatile.
00:17:20.612 --> 00:17:24.292
She could dispense overpriced drinks on an American Airlines flight.
00:17:24.932 --> 00:17:29.312
Or serve as a rear admiral in the Navy in that get up.
00:17:29.312 --> 00:17:34.312
It also fits right in at the DMV, Gertrude's natural habitat.
00:17:34.312 --> 00:17:40.432
I've got a translucent body, dressed in my wedding gown and white cowboy boots.
00:17:40.432 --> 00:17:49.912
I'm just glad that when I came to, I found myself in that instead of the ginormous purple smock I was wearing when I prematurely clocked out.
00:17:49.932 --> 00:17:51.852
One thing is undeniable now.
00:17:52.812 --> 00:17:56.732
My gossamer bride body is beginning to dim.
00:17:56.732 --> 00:18:03.372
There's even a noticeable decline in the flatulent fumes I seem to broadcast everywhere I go.
00:18:03.372 --> 00:18:10.332
Just to clarify, being an airborne toxic event is not my top choice for a superpower.
00:18:10.332 --> 00:18:16.992
Well, actually, there is one situation when cutting a stink pickle is useful.
00:18:16.992 --> 00:18:28.592
A well-placed fleek right in the smirky face of skitters has proven to be an effective way to get that oversized snark nato to get off his lazy butt and help.
00:18:28.592 --> 00:18:31.992
The night of the concert was a perfect example.
00:18:31.992 --> 00:18:38.672
I skipped the show, hoping to conserve my energy and refill my noxious fumes tank.
00:18:38.672 --> 00:18:43.272
Certain everyone would wind up at Legacy Grove grubbing for food afterwards.
00:18:43.272 --> 00:18:47.832
I literally chilled out, hovering near my favorite tree in the orchard.
00:18:48.512 --> 00:18:52.292
Did you know being dead is cold as hell?
00:18:52.292 --> 00:18:59.132
Even when you're ghosting in a place like Naval, where the temperatures are often in the triple digits during the summer.
00:18:59.132 --> 00:19:04.612
Like today, it was August, so the thermometer should have been aiming north towards fall.
00:19:04.612 --> 00:19:06.272
Only it wasn't.
00:19:06.272 --> 00:19:17.952
As much as I hated to miss Taj's performance, not to mention the first stage appearance of the rectal surgeons since my untimely demise, it was probably for the best.
00:19:17.952 --> 00:19:30.632
I spent the day building up one last wad of gaseous grossness, hoping to drive home the point that I'm trapped in a nightmare involving the Department of Motor Vehicles and needed help.
00:19:30.632 --> 00:19:36.632
No one is getting out of here until Delphina scores the things she's been seeking for decades.
00:19:36.632 --> 00:19:39.532
A proper burial and the clearing of her name.
00:19:40.592 --> 00:19:51.652
Delphina may vape around Dunebur Hollow, scaring the freckles off everyone she comes in contact with, but she wants the citizenry of Naval to know she didn't run off with the mob.
00:19:51.652 --> 00:19:56.752
Understandable, but how the hell was I supposed to convey this?
00:19:56.752 --> 00:19:59.952
That's when Gertrude mentioned skitters.
00:19:59.952 --> 00:20:02.852
Not by name, just the word cat.
00:20:03.792 --> 00:20:04.932
Wonderful!
00:20:04.932 --> 00:20:11.612
Now, my spiritual salvation is in the paws of an uppity, grossly overweight feline.
00:20:11.612 --> 00:20:13.032
<v SPEAKER_7>Perfect!
00:20:13.032 --> 00:20:23.432
Skitters is like one of those spurs that somehow manages to worm its way into your hiking boot, digging into your flesh with every step.
00:20:23.432 --> 00:20:30.432
Spur-chewed flesh would be pleasant compared to spending time with this lard-ass in a striped fursuit.
00:20:31.232 --> 00:20:33.712
I used to like cats.
00:20:33.712 --> 00:20:36.152
Then I met Skitters.
00:20:36.152 --> 00:20:43.412
His new girlfriend, Miss Kitty, is okay, but Skitters is a level one bastard.
00:20:43.412 --> 00:20:46.892
Hard to imagine what Miss Kitty sees in him.
00:20:46.892 --> 00:20:54.152
Skitters and I didn't need words to describe our mutual dislike of each other when I was pulse positive.
00:20:54.152 --> 00:21:00.912
Now, words are all I've got, and Skitters is the only one who can hear them.
00:21:00.912 --> 00:21:08.992
I'll quit breathing on you if you help me, I said, chasing Skitters as he bolted out of the kitchen.
00:21:08.992 --> 00:21:17.012
The room was packed with family members salivating over waffles and what I guessed to be a half a side of pork.
00:21:17.012 --> 00:21:21.772
Get them to the piling under the bridge, I said.
00:21:21.772 --> 00:21:23.112
I tried this once before.
00:21:23.772 --> 00:21:31.852
Only then, I didn't know about the second hiding spot, the one where Boyd's grandmother was seal-a-mealed inside.
00:21:31.852 --> 00:21:36.052
I just knew this was my bus stop to the afterlife.
00:21:36.052 --> 00:21:42.952
Skitters jammed his watermelon-sized body behind the couch, trying to ignore me.
00:21:42.952 --> 00:21:50.752
I am going to haunt every second of your pathetic life until you fix this, I threatened.
00:21:51.852 --> 00:21:57.492
That dander-dispenser had the nerve to actually hiss at me.
00:21:57.512 --> 00:22:07.292
I responded by serving up a breathy fart-banger aimed squarely at the smug expression on Skitter's face.
00:22:07.292 --> 00:22:12.012
Hiding behind the couch wasn't going to help this fickle fucker.
00:22:12.012 --> 00:22:24.612
In the morning, you are going to leave Gecko's Gulch and sit your fat, lazy ass in front of that pillar where Delphina Fletcher is holed up, I said.
00:22:24.612 --> 00:22:33.752
I was joyful to discover that my anger and frustration had actually colored my breath a misty green.
00:22:33.752 --> 00:22:34.992
<v SPEAKER_7>Good.
00:22:34.992 --> 00:22:38.192
The visuals helped underscore my point.
00:22:38.192 --> 00:22:47.092
When Moon and the twins come to collect you, refuse to budge your plus-sized badonkadonk until they get the message.
00:22:48.072 --> 00:22:54.792
Ignore me, and I will breathe in your face every time you try to sleep.
00:22:54.792 --> 00:22:59.832
If skitters could give me the finger, this would be that moment.
00:22:59.832 --> 00:23:02.492
<v SPEAKER_7>I was getting fatigued.
00:23:02.492 --> 00:23:06.752
I'd literally blown my wad and needed to rest.
00:23:06.752 --> 00:23:11.592
Skitters made a break for the shed, thinking he could escape from me.
00:23:11.592 --> 00:23:13.312
Announcer: Stupid cat.
00:23:13.312 --> 00:23:14.592
I can go anywhere.
00:23:15.512 --> 00:23:23.912
I did one of those gestures, indicating I was watching as skitters hauled his lumpy butt across the yard with unusual speed.
00:23:23.912 --> 00:23:26.052
Always one to keep my word.
00:23:26.052 --> 00:23:30.332
The vapor assault on skitters began before dawn.
00:23:30.332 --> 00:23:35.132
I needed him out of the house at Gekko's Gulch before sunrise.
00:23:35.132 --> 00:23:41.972
Miss Kitty, Boyd's cat, is always up with the roosters and was already on the scene when I beamed in.
00:23:43.192 --> 00:23:46.952
I don't know how skitters and Miss Kitty communicate.
00:23:46.952 --> 00:23:51.932
They seem to be able to coordinate their efforts to manipulate their humans.
00:23:51.972 --> 00:23:57.152
One thing is for certain, both cats would be missed by their owners.
00:23:57.152 --> 00:24:00.872
Sooner or later, someone would come looking.
00:24:00.872 --> 00:24:05.672
I'm not sure why anyone would be sorry to see skitters disappear.
00:24:05.672 --> 00:24:08.472
He's such a snot grubber.
00:24:08.472 --> 00:24:10.032
Miss Kitty is a different story.
00:24:10.752 --> 00:24:15.872
She's kind of a nice cat, despite her obvious poor choice in suitors.
00:24:15.872 --> 00:24:24.752
I followed behind skitters, nudging him along with puffs of rancid air, whenever he'd stop to rest his considerable haunches.
00:24:24.752 --> 00:24:27.932
I didn't appreciate all the hissing.
00:24:27.932 --> 00:24:34.352
It was going to be a long day, even for someone facing eternity like me.
00:24:34.352 --> 00:24:37.812
Boyd was the first to notice his house was pussy free.
00:24:38.952 --> 00:24:45.852
He wisely skipped the shortcut down the ridge through the catacombs underneath, driving instead.
00:24:45.852 --> 00:24:52.432
This made it impossible to miss the cats, plus the yippie white dog that lives at Juniper Hollow.
00:24:52.432 --> 00:25:02.692
When Boyd rambled up in his truck, all three animals were in the middle of the bridge, lined up like they were marching in a parade heading towards hell.
00:25:02.692 --> 00:25:06.792
Boyd was on his cell, talking with Moon as he exited his truck.
00:25:07.752 --> 00:25:16.772
Turning to skitters, I said, When Moon shows up, get your flubber butt down to the pillar where that swamp monster is holed up.
00:25:16.772 --> 00:25:18.772
No need for niceties.
00:25:18.772 --> 00:25:24.052
This little jerk pooped in one of my favorite shoes when I was still alive.
00:25:24.052 --> 00:25:29.152
I have a pretty good idea he also did something touchy to my toothbrush.
00:25:29.152 --> 00:25:32.712
It was time to put some ghosts to rest.
00:25:32.712 --> 00:25:34.352
Mine included.
00:25:34.352 --> 00:25:35.832
Who knew about Gertrude?
00:25:36.772 --> 00:25:39.952
Clearly, she was still attached to the DMV.
00:25:39.952 --> 00:25:43.232
Or maybe even the FBI.
00:25:43.232 --> 00:25:47.972
Most people would have been dumbstruck to learn about Gertrude's other job.
00:25:47.972 --> 00:25:49.612
I certainly was.
00:25:49.612 --> 00:25:54.392
Surprised all the more that Gertrude would even disclose this to me.
00:25:54.392 --> 00:26:09.972
As someone who allowed their twin to go on book tours in my name, and as someone married to a gastrointestinal specialist who moonlights as a rock star, I know all too well how easy it is to lead a double life.
00:26:09.972 --> 00:26:15.312
It's called compartmentalizing, but not by the outside world.
00:26:15.312 --> 00:26:19.852
They look at these situations as being deliberately deceptive.
00:26:19.852 --> 00:26:24.192
Gertrude had an actual thread on Delphina before she died.
00:26:24.192 --> 00:26:32.852
She'd been looking at some old blueprints of Juniper Hollow in Boyd's office, and had gone to see if there was a secret hiding place no one else knew about.
00:26:33.592 --> 00:26:41.632
If Delphina hadn't been such a horrid bitch about the whole thing, she could have gotten what she wanted a lot earlier.
00:26:41.632 --> 00:26:46.552
Now, Delphina has the blood of another innocent person on her hands.
00:26:46.552 --> 00:26:52.792
And everyone's fate lies in the paws of a lumbering ball of fatty fur.
00:26:52.792 --> 00:27:00.092
It was exceptionally galling to have to go through skitters in order to ascend to the light Delphina keeps blocking me from.
00:27:00.992 --> 00:27:06.932
The minutes ticked by slower than a herd of turtles out for a stroll.
00:27:06.932 --> 00:27:09.032
Miss Kitty seemed nervous.
00:27:09.032 --> 00:27:11.432
Boyd seemed disinterested.
00:27:11.432 --> 00:27:17.312
To him, it was just another day of waiting for Moon and the twins to fetch their crummy cat.
00:27:17.312 --> 00:27:24.032
Sitting in his truck, listening to KNVL and drinking coffee, Boyd appeared to be enjoying himself.
00:27:24.032 --> 00:27:28.332
He had no idea skitters would soon open the gates to hell.
00:27:29.532 --> 00:27:33.572
Moon, for her part, took her time in coming.
00:27:33.572 --> 00:27:40.332
I realize I have eternity, but I almost died of boredom waiting for her.
00:27:40.332 --> 00:27:50.472
Skitters must have been sick of passing the time as well because he bolted for Delphina's granite tomb the second the twins tumbled out of Moon's SUV.
00:27:50.472 --> 00:27:54.332
Down the embankment, the girls went, Miss Kitty following.
00:27:55.432 --> 00:27:59.632
I could have killed Delphina for what she did next.
00:27:59.632 --> 00:28:07.532
As soon as the girls got within eyesight of the pillar, she emerged, gory guts and all.
00:28:07.532 --> 00:28:13.612
For once in his godforsaken life, skitters did something right.
00:28:13.612 --> 00:28:21.152
Sensing his handlers were about to view something they couldn't unsee, he darted in front of them, tripping one of the girls.
00:28:22.272 --> 00:28:29.652
Then, it was all about a skinned knee, which meant Moon had to climb down the embankment to the rescue.
00:28:29.652 --> 00:28:36.372
Gertrude and I were the only ones who could hear Delphina roaring like a banshee with a chapped rear end.
00:28:36.372 --> 00:28:40.132
But Moon definitely saw her.
00:28:40.132 --> 00:28:47.072
Thinking quickly, Moon hustled the twins back up to the top of the embankment and into the SUV.
00:28:47.072 --> 00:28:54.812
Gesturing to Boyd to check under the bridge, Moon fetched a band-aid out of the glovebox and set about repairing a bloody knee.
00:28:54.812 --> 00:28:59.672
Boyd saw Delphina before he even reached the bottom of the embankment.
00:28:59.672 --> 00:29:07.012
Delphina was standing right in front of the cement seam that had entombed her for so many decades.
00:29:07.012 --> 00:29:09.552
Boyd didn't appear to be frightened.
00:29:09.552 --> 00:29:14.992
Evidently, this wasn't the first ghosting incident with his long-lost grandmother.
00:29:14.992 --> 00:29:18.452
What he seemed to be was sad and tired.
00:29:19.352 --> 00:29:21.092
Join the party, pal.
00:29:21.092 --> 00:29:23.412
We're all exhausted.
00:29:23.412 --> 00:29:29.512
Perhaps now, however, we can shine a little light on this dark and scary story.
00:29:29.512 --> 00:29:32.012
The next part took forever.
00:29:32.012 --> 00:29:34.992
Well, a few days anyway.
00:29:34.992 --> 00:29:41.232
Technically, the bridge was part of Juniper Hollow, even though the road itself was a public access way.
00:29:41.232 --> 00:29:47.592
What this meant was that Boyd had to go to his arch enemy, Jasper Stratton, with his hat in hand.
00:29:48.432 --> 00:29:51.312
Pride cometh before a fall.
00:29:51.312 --> 00:30:01.172
Boyd has been exceptionally rude to Jasper ever since he got here, convinced there is some kind of nefarious activities happening at Juniper Hollow.
00:30:01.172 --> 00:30:09.592
Even finding out all Jasper was hiding was his proclivity for men and the game Dungeons and Dragons, wasn't enough to convince Boyd.
00:30:09.592 --> 00:30:15.552
He must have gone to the concert, though, because Boyd was among the crowd having dinner at Legacy Grove afterwards.
00:30:16.532 --> 00:30:19.832
I suppose the twins insisted he come.
00:30:19.832 --> 00:30:22.452
They are quite fond of the old guffer.
00:30:22.452 --> 00:30:28.712
I have a bit of a soft spot for Boyd myself, especially now that I have the full backstory.
00:30:28.712 --> 00:30:36.452
Jasper, eager to stay in good graces with the rectal surgeons, agreed to a negotiation arranged by Scotty.
00:30:36.452 --> 00:30:40.212
The pillar encasing Delphina would be opened.
00:30:40.212 --> 00:30:42.692
Time for us ghostly chickens to roost.
00:30:43.612 --> 00:30:47.392
If only things could be that easy.
00:30:47.392 --> 00:30:49.792
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