A Twitchy Teenager!
Today on the Quirky Cat Nips Podcast, we are continuing to air Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted by Adele Park. In today's episode, Taj Wakefield, a twitchy teenager, is ready to tell his story. And boy is it quirky! Enjoy Chapter 03 of Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted. Meow Kitties!
Listen to Episode #3 Now:
Transcript:
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This is PetLife Radio.
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Let's talk pets.
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Cat lovers and feline friends, it's time for Adele Park's Quirky Cat Nips.
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Today on the Quirky Cat Nips Podcast, we're airing a chapter of Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted, which we will do until the entire audio book has been broadcasted.
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We invite all you kitties to kick back now, relax and enjoy Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted by Adele Park.
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Audio Recording St.
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George Presents Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted Written, produced and edited by Adele Park Narrated by a full cast.
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A cast.
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A directive from Gertrude Fletcher, head of the Naval Utah Department of Motor Vehicles.
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Part 3.
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What are you hiding?
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I sat in silence, patiently awaiting her answer.
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This was a maneuver I'd perfected.
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Ask, then wait.
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It kills them every time.
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Most people can't bear the silence.
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Not me.
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I could hold my tongue even if it was burning the insides of my mouth.
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Blue McKenna displayed a myriad of reactions, all delivered in quick succession.
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Being a see-through shade of green couldn't conceal the shock, shame, and eventual consternation.
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If you want me to represent you, I'll have to have a full accounting, I said, knowing all too well, this would lead to an eye-rolling amount of extraneous details to sift through.
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Mind-numbing, but doable.
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I have forever.
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Past indiscretions didn't concern me.
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What I wanted to know was what a pregnant woman like Blue was doing creeping around Juniper Hollow before the sun was barely tipping its hat good morning.
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More importantly, what was her previous suitor, Kip Nichols, doing in that same area?
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Certainly, it wasn't solving crimes.
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As a public servant for the Department of Motor Vehicles, I've had ample time to learn about Deputy Nichols and his brand of law enforcement.
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I have no respect or patience for people who don't uphold the duties of the office they have sworn to serve.
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What did Deputy Nichols know about the untimely death of his former flame?
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It would seem a lot, given that he was on the scene within minutes.
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Had he been patrolling around Juniper Hollow, or did he somehow know Blue would be traversing the bridge in front of it that early Sunday morning?
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Perhaps we'll never know, as this particular law enforcement officer has suddenly stopped his ceaseless chatter.
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I take that as a sign of guilt, even if he had nothing to do with Blue's demise.
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Secrets must be piped through the water system.
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The number of people clinging to them for dear life is astounding.
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Take for example Taj Wakefield, a youth from Las Vegas, desperately trying to maintain a complex web of deception.
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They say confession is good for the soul.
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Perhaps so, but surprisingly few people wish to do what is good for the soul, as evidenced through Taj's dodgy actions.
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Next.
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In case you haven't noticed, you've been ghosted.
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Chapter 3 Taj Wakefield The only vagina I've seen up close and personal belonged to Blue McKenna.
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I don't think it turned me gay, but I can't rule it out.
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No offense to Blue, but seeing her hoo-ha opened up like the jaws of a spawning salmon made me wonder.
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They say drugs don't make you cool, but they're wrong.
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Take it from a peony kid with dark skin and a name like Taj Wakefield.
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I've always gotten along okay with the kids at my school, but that's just because I try really hard not to be annoying.
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That's why I have to stay in the closet, possibly for the rest of my life, but definitely until I graduate.
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How many gay drug dealers do you know?
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None, because heteros bogart most of the action.
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I didn't set out to be an undocumented pharmacist, it happened by accident.
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A lumpy guy named Sludge invited me and Brandon to go to a party being thrown by a senior he plays football with.
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No one knows how Sludge got in the group of guys we hang out with.
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He's a walking meathead and not the least bit funny.
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Sludge is the type of moron you see smashing beer cans on his forehead.
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Like us, Sludge is a sophomore at North Platte, but he's almost 6'5 and weighs more than a pregnant walrus.
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Not the sort of mastodon you want to mess with, especially when he's been drinking.
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The night before school started for the fall term of 2008, Brandon and I made history, at least in our minds.
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Worried about showing up at the house of a senior who didn't know us, we cut loose a joint of Agent Orange as a party favor.
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That's the name of this killer weed we found in an oasis outside of Naval, Utah.
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We spent the whole summer there, which gave us plenty of time to learn how to grow it.
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On the first day of class, Sludge cornered me in the hall to say he'd been sent to score some more herb.
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I would have just handed it over, glad someone actually thought I was kinda rad, or at least someone who had good ganja.
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Fortunately, Brandon happened to be nearby and butted in with, 10 bucks a joint, Sludgy boy.
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Instead of doing my homework, I spent the afternoon rolling up the remainder of our weed.
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As I worked, it became obvious that selling joints, one at a time, to a knuckle-drager like Sludge, took way too much time.
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There was also the odor to contend with.
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Agent Orange lives up to its name.
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It smells like a crate of oranges had a love child with a head shop.
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Getting that first little bit of dope from Naval to Las Vegas was dicey enough.
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We wrapped it in about a mile of tinfoil and stuck it at the bottom of a bag of dirty laundry.
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I surfed around online and came up with a distribution plan.
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First, we had to suspend the smell by freezing our weed.
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Brandon's dad, Scotty, had turned the stone packing shed at their house in Naval into a music studio.
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In keeping with his rock star lifestyle, Scotty put in a bar with the full fridge for pop and beer.
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Since that fridge is strictly for overflow, we felt safe in stashing our harvest in empty fish stick and frozen waffle boxes.
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Then, to make sure no copper could ever sniff us out, we found an airtight way to package it for delivery.
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My parents have a seal-a-mill machine, which I use when I have stuff like extra chili.
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I casually mentioned to my dad one morning we needed a new one.
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He told me to put it on the credit card without even asking if the old one was broken.
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We started out making snack packs of weed, which Sludge sold for 20 bucks apiece.
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Unfortunately, we were burning through a ton of that plastic you have to use with the seal-a-mill.
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The replacement stuff cost almost as much as a new machine.
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I knew dad would get suspicious if I kept buying it.
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Not only that, but for as high octane as Agent Orange is, Sludge couldn't move it fast enough to make us much of a profit.
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The best solution was to buy a scale, weigh out one ounce helpings and find a new clientele.
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That's when we made our first mistake.
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What happened was this.
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We pitched to the wrong person.
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Remy Samisoda has worked as a limo driver at the Diamonds in the Desert Casino since the beginning of time.
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At least that's what Remy would have you think.
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His face is so wrinkled, it looks like a piece of sandpaper that's been chipped in a food processor.
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But unlike a lot of old geezers, Remy still has a full head of hair.
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I mean tons of it.
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It's prison gray and shoots out of his scalp in weird clumps.
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Kind of like accidental dreadlocks.
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We always thought Remy was cool.
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Because Brandon's dad, Scotty Sphincter is in the rectal surgeons, we get to ride in limos on a pretty regular basis.
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Diamonds in the Desert is home to Rectal Fest in Las Vegas, so we've been there a lot.
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Plus, Brandon used to date a girl who lives there.
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Yes, at the casino.
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It's a long story, but between Rectal Fest and Brandon's on-again-off-again relationship, we've logged a lot of miles in Remy's limo.
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He didn't seem too interested in talking to us now, even after we passed along a free blunt and suggested we'd be happy to supply any out-of-town VIPs.
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Remy told us to get lost.
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So we did, thinking that was the end of it.
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It wasn't.
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Almost within minutes of leaving Diamonds in the Desert, Brandon got a call from Steven Finch, the drug dealer who works for the rectal surgeons when they're on tour.
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Agent Orange is nuclear when it comes to stonage per hit.
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And like I said, the scent is legendary.
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Anyone in Vegas who says they're hot-boxing Agent Orange is lying like a fatty wampus trying to conceal a Chipotle-fueled fart, unless of course they bought it from us.
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Or Steven Finch.
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The purpose of Steven's call was to inform us we'd soon be someone's prison bitch if we didn't quote, pull our teenage heads out of our asses so our balls could finally drop.
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Steven, by the way, owns a medical marijuana dispensary in Boulder, Colorado.
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No coincidence his store is oozing with tangy orange weed grown with starter plants snagged from the oasis near Naval.
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Curiously, Steven wasn't trying to dissuade us from selling ganja.
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He just didn't want us moving in on a valued client.
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Fine, there were other dopers in the sea.
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We didn't even have to try to catch them.
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Not only did we run into Kaylee Fitzsimmons the day after our disastrous sales call at Diamonds in the Desert, we almost ran her over.
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We were at the bank depositing the embarrassingly small check Brandon gets for his monthly allowance.
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Like most banks, this one has a lobby and a drive-thru.
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Brandon whipped into the lane closest to the building, nearly turning Kaylee into minced meat.
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Why she walked through the drive-thru instead of just going in the lobby is anyone's guess.
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As a way of apologizing for almost committing vehicular homicide, Brandon offered Kaylee a ride home.
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Her apartment was a couple blocks away on the campus at UNLV.
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Brandon must have been thinking about her boobs, because he didn't even mention weed.
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Kaylee was the one who brought that up.
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Just our luck, she was at the bank withdrawing money for party supplies.
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Kaylee is the beginning, the middle and the end of every dumb blonde joke ever told.
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She's so dingy, it's like her brain's drained into her boobs, which even to someone who thinks they might be a pickle sniffer are impressive.
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Kaylee is a junior at UNLV who does grunt work for a private running club that Brandon's old girlfriend used to belong to.
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Kaylee ruptured her Achilles tendon stepping off a curb, effectively ending her own running career.
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How idiotic do you have to be to sustain an injury that serious just by stepping off a curb?
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Anyway, Kaylee wanted weed and was happy to buy the rest of our stock, which wasn't much at the time.
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The important thing was everything had fallen neatly into place.
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All we had to do to stay in business was a little weeding in the oasis.
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Easy peasy.
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We were going to Naval almost every weekend because Blue decided to have her baby there instead of Las Vegas.
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Brandon got a Jeep for his birthday, which meant we had our own ride.
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His dad always followed behind to make sure we don't crash, which is pretty dumb.
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If Brandon was gonna wrap his Jeep around a light pole, it would happen in Vegas, not out on the highway where there wasn't one bend in the road, nothing to hit if we ran off it, and way fewer drunk drivers.
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This entire arrangement worked perfectly for me, not just because of Agent Orange, but also because I was going hot and heavy with a girl from Naval named Danica Creighton.
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She's the one person who makes me wonder if I'm really gay.
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Because I think about her all the time.
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We FaceTime for hours every night and make out like slobbering baboons whenever we see each other.
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A lot of people think Brandon is my best friend.
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He isn't.
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Danica is.
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Brandon crossed the threshold between friendship and brotherhood about a week after Blue was killed.
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We were in Las Vegas back at school, which really pissed Brandon off.
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I don't blame him.
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Brandon's dad, Scotty, was camped out at the Naval Base Hospital, stalking the doctors and nurses who were trying to keep his son Rudy from flatlining.
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Poor little guy.
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He was only about the size of a popsicle.
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I can't unsee the image of Rudy being yanked out of Blue's lady garden like a bloody turnip.
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Brandon completely lost his shit when he saw it.
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Things had pretty much spiraled out of control as far as our families go.
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That's when Brandon dreamt up all of this band of brother stuff.
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He was staying at our house in Vegas.
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Brandon's little sister, Lexi, was living with their grandpa a few miles down the road.
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Brandon's grandma, who I call Mrs.
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Spinks, stayed in Naval with Scotty.
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Now that Blue was gone, Scotty had pretty much jumped ship when it came to his kids other than Rudy.
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It was obvious we were on our own.
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Brandon made me take this goofy blood oath to stick together.
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That was all good and fine, but mixing blood, even just a drop from our fingers, seemed to press the boundaries of good hygiene.
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You'd think the son of a doctor would know better.
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Brandon was acting kinda desperate at the time, so I went along with it.
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When we first got back to town after Blue's car crash, Grandpa Spinks took us over to the Spinkles' house so Brandon and Lexi could grab their stuff.
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I don't know what was buggering Brandon, but he was jumpy the whole time we were in there.
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Geez dude, you act like the place is haunted.
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Brandon didn't think that was very funny, so later that night, I decided to mess with him.
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The moment called for a little vodka, but we didn't have any.
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Brandon wanted to ask Sludge's brother to get some, but I wasn't interested in trading any weed.
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Because of the whole situation with Brandon's little bro being on life support, we'd left Naval without harvesting any Kush on that particular trip.
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Acting all serious like one of those guys from Mission Impossible, I said, Your mission, Brandon, should you choose to accept it, is to swipe a bottle of booze from your dad's house at the stroke of midnight without using any lights, except the one on your cell phone.
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To prepare for this mission, you must partake in at least one bong hit of Agent Orange.
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Should you be caught or killed, I will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
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This text message will self-destruct in five seconds.
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I would never actually put something like that in a text.
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My parents don't snoop through my phone, but there might come a time when the cops do.
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Best not to text about blowing bongs.
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There was no way Brandon could back down from this, even though Weed makes him super paranoid.
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That was part of the thrill.
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I went along just to make sure Brandon didn't pull a fast one and call Sludge's brother.
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Brandon didn't want to wait until midnight.
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I didn't want to wait to get high.
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Mrs McMurdy, the living nanny I'm too old to have, passes out right after supper.
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Brandon's grandpa and sister were long gone.
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I fired up a bowl.
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I've had my share of supernatural scares.
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You can't spend a whole summer in Naval and not come down with the heebie-jeebies at least a few times.
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For example, the orchard at Legacy Grove is downright creeptastical.
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Legacy Grove is the name of the house Brandon's dad owns.
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The oranges there are red as a hyena's hiney.
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They look normal on the outside, but slicing into one is like popping a blood blister.
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The juice leaks this grody red goo.
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No way you can eat them.
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I did it once as part of a mission last summer.
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The next morning, the toilet looked like I'd pooped a plague.
00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:43.059
Then there's the Oasis.
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Most of the guys we hang out with in Naval swear the Oasis is crawling with the ghosts of dead polygamists from Zion flats.
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Normally, I'd shine this on as Illuminati nonsense.
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After all, these are the same Lebowski's who wear nylon underwear that stretches from their nut sacks to their kneecaps.
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But I've experienced way too many unexplained things.
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Brandon swears the reason we'd grow so well in the Oasis is because of this man-made polygamist mulch.
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After what we've been through, breaking into Brandon's house should have been a Sunday drive, especially since it was a Sunday and barely even dark.
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It could have been high noon at the OK Corral and Brandon still would have sharted his shorts.
00:19:32.539 --> 00:19:35.079
He really doesn't handle chronic very well.
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That's okay, I'm literally a lightweight when it comes to booze.
00:19:39.979 --> 00:19:42.679
Usually, me and Brandon stick to our own stuff.
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On this occasion, however, getting boomeranged into the O-Zone was part of the mission.
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It's just how we roll, which is exactly why I made Brandon climb through his bedroom window on the second floor, even though he has a key.
00:19:58.819 --> 00:20:07.619
It's nice to keep our missions challenging, though in hindsight, putting Brandon on a ladder when he was totally swagged maybe wasn't the brightest idea.
00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:12.499
Getting into the house took way longer than it should have.
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First, we had to get the ladder out of the garage.
00:20:16.939 --> 00:20:19.899
It has an electronic code so you can get in from the outside.
00:20:20.859 --> 00:20:27.579
When he finally found the ladder, Brandon banged it around so much, I thought the neighbors would wake up and call the cops.
00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:32.019
Hoping to avoid jail time, I helped get it under the window.
00:20:32.919 --> 00:20:34.599
I didn't worry about Brandon falling.
00:20:35.199 --> 00:20:38.959
Even when he's plowed six feet under, Brandon can make this climb.
00:20:39.899 --> 00:20:41.579
At least he should be able to.
00:20:41.959 --> 00:20:43.019
He's done it enough.
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:47.579
Just to be a putz, Brandon made me climb up behind him.
00:20:48.299 --> 00:20:52.539
Again, not a hard thing considering I've had the same amount of practice.
00:20:54.219 --> 00:20:56.339
The house had a weird smell to it.
00:20:57.019 --> 00:21:00.599
I hadn't noticed it earlier when we were getting Brandon's clothes.
00:21:01.519 --> 00:21:03.239
It didn't smell like old food.
00:21:03.859 --> 00:21:06.239
It was more like a pea-scented plant.
00:21:06.859 --> 00:21:09.299
Kinda earthy, but not in a good way.
00:21:10.239 --> 00:21:11.719
Brandon didn't seem to notice.
00:21:12.299 --> 00:21:15.679
He was so blitzed, he was actually shaking.
00:21:16.479 --> 00:21:20.119
I kinda felt sorry for him, but a mission is a mission.
00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:22.539
Hurry and get this over with.
00:21:23.419 --> 00:21:26.419
By that, I didn't mean taking the short way down the stairs.
00:21:27.299 --> 00:21:33.059
God, how can someone who snuck in and out as much as Brandon fall down their own staircase?
00:21:34.059 --> 00:21:38.019
He wasn't hurt, but you'd never know it from all the yelling and swearing.
00:21:38.679 --> 00:21:39.879
Snap out of it, Brandon.
00:21:40.059 --> 00:21:42.799
You're acting like those dumbass crooks from Home Alone.
00:21:44.819 --> 00:21:52.439
Before Blue McKenna laid down for her never-ending nap, her and Brandon's dad used to sleep in the bedroom downstairs next to the den.
00:21:53.459 --> 00:22:02.339
I know it was just the Agent Orange talking, but I swear I felt a cold draft of air hit me like a six-pack of wet willies when we walked past their room.
00:22:02.999 --> 00:22:05.539
Brandon was all, Did you feel that?
00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:10.679
I was afraid if I said yes, he'd flip like a prison snitch.
00:22:11.639 --> 00:22:17.359
I knew it wasn't the air conditioner, but sometimes on a mission, you just have to cowboy up.
00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:20.999
The booze was locked in a cupboard in the den.
00:22:21.499 --> 00:22:24.039
I wasn't gonna make Brandon try and jimmy the lock.
00:22:24.699 --> 00:22:27.419
We both knew his dad kept the key in the desk drawer.
00:22:28.359 --> 00:22:36.259
Our missions aren't for wussies, but there was no point in stupidly breaking the door to the liquor cabinet when the key was three feet away.
00:22:36.939 --> 00:22:38.359
We aren't total schlunks.
00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:46.819
Well, maybe some people would say that, but the mark of a truly successful mission is one where our parents never find out what happened.
00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:53.079
Besides, Brandon was gonna bolt if he had to do anything beyond unlocking the cupboard.
00:22:54.139 --> 00:22:58.679
I still wouldn't let him turn on a light, which didn't help when it came to finding the vodka.
00:22:59.599 --> 00:23:05.359
Brandon had his phone, but was too stoned to figure out all he needed to do was set it on something.
00:23:06.179 --> 00:23:11.179
I watched as he held the phone with his left hand and rooted around the cabinet with the other one.
00:23:11.939 --> 00:23:14.939
The vodka was way in the back, of course.
00:23:15.779 --> 00:23:23.599
I don't know if Brandon was nervous or just stupid, but he was clanking around the bottles like they were made of plastic instead of glass.
00:23:24.619 --> 00:23:28.919
No surprise when Brandon knocked down a couple of liters, reaching for the gray goose.
00:23:29.879 --> 00:23:36.119
I guess this was just in case the people down the block didn't hear the ladder slamming against the side of the house.
00:23:37.019 --> 00:23:42.459
We weren't exactly breaking and entering, but Brandon's dad would go ballistic if he found out.
00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:50.879
Just as we were heading back upstairs to climb down the ladder from Brandon's window, something strange happened.
00:23:51.659 --> 00:23:52.999
I'm not sure what it was.
00:23:53.379 --> 00:23:56.359
I just know Brandon started screeching like a little girl.
00:23:57.019 --> 00:23:58.359
That's usually my job.
00:23:59.099 --> 00:24:04.839
He actually dropped the bottle of vodka and blasted out the front door, no longer caring who saw him.
00:24:05.819 --> 00:24:09.879
Fortunately, the bottle landed on the carpet and didn't break or spill.
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:15.059
Although this wasn't my mission, I picked it up and zipped it into my jacket.
00:24:15.959 --> 00:24:19.139
My parents would be so disappointed if they knew what I was up to.
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:22.999
Kind of crummy to admit, but this made me smile.
00:24:24.779 --> 00:24:30.699
My parents split up last summer after mom ran off with this guy who used to own a magazine she worked for.
00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:35.799
Then she bottomed out with anorexia and spent some quality time in rehab.
00:24:36.619 --> 00:24:42.559
A couple months ago, mom moved to Aspen with this same guy so he could do marketing for a ski company.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:48.039
Mom is friends with Blue, but didn't go to her baby shower because dad was there.
00:24:48.699 --> 00:24:50.939
He's good friends with Brandon's dad, Scotty.
00:24:51.739 --> 00:24:53.839
I guess dad got the friends in the divorce.
00:24:55.439 --> 00:24:59.799
Now is probably a good time to mention my parents aren't my real parents.
00:25:00.699 --> 00:25:01.599
Neither are Brandon's.
00:25:02.159 --> 00:25:06.039
Well, his mom is, but Brandon likes to pretend he doesn't know her.
00:25:06.979 --> 00:25:15.339
Last summer, Brandon almost had to be part of a paternity lawsuit when the guy who is his real dad tried to get on a reality TV show with his mom.
00:25:16.419 --> 00:25:22.759
Celebrity Cougars is about moms past their prime hitting on guys who are barely old enough to shave.
00:25:23.779 --> 00:25:27.179
The show tanked, but Brandon is still torqued about it.
00:25:28.179 --> 00:25:30.039
My mom is a different story.
00:25:30.519 --> 00:25:39.019
I'm talking about my real mom, the one who dropped me like a hot mic on the steps of a Buddhist temple in Pakistan right after I was born.
00:25:39.899 --> 00:25:43.319
For a long time, I never thought about her at all.
00:25:43.959 --> 00:25:44.619
Why would I?
00:25:45.179 --> 00:25:49.319
The people who adopted me have been great, at least as far as parents go.
00:25:49.999 --> 00:25:52.699
My adopted mom has some problems, for sure.
00:25:53.099 --> 00:25:57.319
But seriously, all her troubles could be solved with a nice sandwich.
00:25:57.999 --> 00:26:00.019
If only we could get her to eat one.
00:26:02.199 --> 00:26:07.899
After Brandon's stepmom, Blue, croaked, I started thinking about my biological mom a lot.
00:26:08.459 --> 00:26:10.119
Why did she deliver in Dash?
00:26:10.719 --> 00:26:12.639
Did she have sex before she was married?
00:26:13.199 --> 00:26:14.219
What if she was raped?
00:26:14.959 --> 00:26:20.759
I got so worked up about this a few weeks ago when I was talking to Danica, I actually started crying.
00:26:21.459 --> 00:26:23.279
What kind of man would rape a woman?
00:26:24.259 --> 00:26:26.559
Later, I went full Mel Gibson.
00:26:27.339 --> 00:26:30.499
Without thinking, I punched a hole in the door to my closet.
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:37.159
It must have been cheap as hell, because my fist went right through it without even breaking the skin on my knuckles.
00:26:38.139 --> 00:26:40.179
My dad would freak if he saw this.
00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:43.099
Brandon helped me replace it on the sly.
00:26:43.539 --> 00:26:45.299
He excels at not getting caught.
00:26:46.199 --> 00:26:49.519
We drove to a scary part of Vegas to pick up a used door.
00:26:50.179 --> 00:26:52.459
The stupid thing still cost 50 bucks.
00:26:53.139 --> 00:26:57.179
It didn't even look like my original door, but I knew dad wouldn't notice.
00:26:57.519 --> 00:26:58.899
He never comes in my room.
00:26:59.879 --> 00:27:05.459
My adopted parents think I'm perfectly legit, so they make it a point not to get up in my business.
00:27:06.459 --> 00:27:08.479
I wondered what my real mom would have thought.
00:27:09.159 --> 00:27:15.699
Being from Pakistan, she probably would have carried that replacement door for me on her back through rush hour traffic.
00:27:16.459 --> 00:27:19.419
I can't believe how subservient the women over there are.
00:27:21.619 --> 00:27:25.279
My adoptive dad is a pilot, who pretty much lives in hotels.
00:27:25.999 --> 00:27:30.579
He's been hanging around more this year, now that mom is in Colorado with her boyfriend.
00:27:31.539 --> 00:27:36.879
I've had the same caretaker ever since I was that pesky brown bean kicked to the curb in Pakistan.
00:27:38.039 --> 00:27:38.239
Mrs.
00:27:38.259 --> 00:27:40.959
McMurdy was about a hundred when I was little.
00:27:41.679 --> 00:27:46.359
Now she's just a sarcophagus made out of onion skin that we roll out for dinner.
00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.299
Don't get me wrong, I love Mrs.
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:49.819
McMurdy.
00:27:50.619 --> 00:27:56.179
We've flown all over the world together and have eaten every kind of wonky food known to man.
00:27:56.859 --> 00:27:58.039
I'll bet I've creamed Mrs.
00:27:58.059 --> 00:28:00.899
McMurdy at checkers a hundred thousand times.
00:28:02.679 --> 00:28:04.839
Dad's parents died before I was born.
00:28:05.659 --> 00:28:10.859
Mom's parents think I'm a terrorist because I have brown skin and a quirky name like Taj.
00:28:11.919 --> 00:28:13.019
It's nice to have Mrs.
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:13.939
McMurdy around.
00:28:14.379 --> 00:28:16.519
She's too old and tired to judge.
00:28:17.959 --> 00:28:19.939
Just as I suspected, Mrs.
00:28:19.959 --> 00:28:24.339
McMurdy was wheezing away like a lumberjack in her easy chair when we got back.
00:28:25.259 --> 00:28:29.379
Brandon no longer wanted a nightcap, hitting the sack early for a change.
00:28:31.999 --> 00:28:33.979
One good quirk leads to another.
00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:44.919
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